Tyson Goldsack writes being one’s self a key in footy as he reveals Collingwood’s key personalities
The Joker, the Brainiacs, the Attention Seeker and the Coach’s TYSON GOLDSACK takes you inside Collingwood with an insight into the personalities who make the Magpies tick.
AFL News
Don't miss out on the headlines from AFL News. Followed categories will be added to My News.
Just be yourself. Sometimes it’s easier said than done.
When I first started at Collingwood 13 years ago, there was pretty much only one mould for footballers. Take it one week at a time and work really, really hard.
Sure, that still rings true, but now there’s hundreds of moulds — and if they don’t suit, cast your own.
‘REAL LIFE’: PIES MAKE KYRON’S DAY
CAREER: SAM MURRAY FIGHTS COCAINE BAN
That’s definitely been the philosophy at the Holden Centre over the last few years and it’s translated on to the field.
When you’re relaxed and being yourself, the results follow.
Just be who you want to be. It wasn’t always like this. Your first to fourth-year players used to sort of toe the line, and didn’t give much out for fear of being judged.
Now, first-year players come in and they are themselves from the word go, which is a reflection of the environment they’re coming into. It’s great — let them be themselves.
I’m a pretty happy-go-lucky person, so humour has become my department at times, which can be tough when you’re not playing in the AFL side — there’s pressure to keep that up.
But it also helps keep me up and about at the same time too, so the benefits are two-way.
I’m also the Fines Master with Lynden Dunn — we have a band of snitches on the lookout for social media posts, especially “sponsored” posts where free stuff is usually involved, and parking inability is also a major indiscretion. When someone’s committed a fineable offence you can bet the snitchers report back to us to help compile the presentation for the official distribution of the “fines”.
It’s all good fun.
With all the different “moulds” coming together for a common cause, clubs are such a diverse environment. There’s so many personalities and interests, and Collingwood is no different.
THE JOKER
Who do you know that finds a motorcycle helmet lying around and puts it on while wearing Speedos? Yeah, that’s Ben Crocker. It’s a shame that there hasn’t been more opportunity for the public to get to know him, because he’s a very likeable guy. He can go from being quite serious to being extremely jovial — and he doesn’t care who it is with. He’s himself in front of any coach, any player, any support staff. He’s a larrikin and will wander around with the helmet and Speedos on wherever he might be — the kitchen, through the corridor. He takes the mickey out of himself, so not pranks or anything, but more general carry-on. He helps keep the mood light. That’s the beauty of it.
NEEDS-A-WATCH
There’s no in-between with Tom Phillips. He’s either right on time or super late. Ever heard about Vince Lombardi time? That if you’re five minutes early, you’re 10 minutes late? That’s not on Flip’s radar.
I’ve even seen him drop his backpack in the corridor outside to quickly rush into a meeting.
It’s not like he’s lazy, but if he was any more laid-back, he’d be lying down, which is weird because he works so hard in games.
And that’s not his only quirk.
Rumour has it he has fruit and bits and pieces from the kitchen in his locker — like he needs to protect them or something, just for later on.
I know where to go if there’s ever a food shortage in Melbourne — Flip’s my man.
THE DJ
It’s a bit of a race in the gym to be first to the auxiliary cord to put their music on. But there’s pressure that comes with nabbing it, too — if you’re going to have your music on, it better be good.
I prefer the rock classics, or ’90s feel-good stuff — things you can sing along to. It’s well-received by the majority of the group. But when I got my turn recently, most of the younger players had never heard of half the playlist, including Bruce Springsteen and Green Day. Blasphemy.
Brayden Maynard and Brayden Sier tend to be the ones who get dibs — must be something about the name.
With Maynard, it’s heavy house music and it’s full-on. There’s no lyrics, either. We have Paula Baird-Colt, a ballet conditioning expert who might be upstairs doing some training with a few players while there are heavy beats absolutely pumping throughout the gym. It sets your heart right off and it goes for an hour.
Occasionally, there’s a vote, but it has to be pretty convincing to get the phone switched over, unless you have earned the credits in the music-playing bank … then it can be a swift change!
THE GAMER
Apparently, Jamie Elliott is the Fortnite king.
I say apparently because I’m not across all things Fortnite. I don’t know how many hours they sit and play it, because I don’t play it. I don’t really know what it is, but I do hear that Billy is the man. They play in teams of four, so they want to be on his team. That’s the message that comes across when I’m eavesdropping.
They talk about it all the time, but what has stunned me is that they watch other people play. I walked into the locker room and one of them was watching a video on YouTube of a guy named Ninja, the number one in the world, playing. It was a strange sight to see.
BRAINIACS
There’s a bit of a crew that hit the books.
Flynn Appleby is at uni and Rupert Wills is undertaking a law degree and is doing four subjects a year. Now I haven’t been to university, but to do four subjects and be part of an AFL club can be pretty heavy going.
Darcy Moore and Tom Langdon study, too. There’s no study group that I know of, or working on group assignments, but that’s something that’s really changed — everyone does things outside of football, and for a lot, study is one of those things.
Occasionally, they’ll have to run off to a lecture if we’re having a light day and miss the last part of a session, or back up after a game for an assessment or exam. I don’t envy them then.
We have a little crew of “crossworders” going, too — myself, Taylor Adams, Josh Thomas, Tom Langdon and Darcy Moore are the main players. We can be caught at lunchtime, swiping the crossword out of the cafe’s newspaper and going to work.
THE ATTENTION-SEEKER
Can’t go past the big American here. Mason Cox loves getting a bit of media and walks a bit taller — if that’s even possible — when the cameras are around.
He’s genuine in his care for people, that’s massive with Coxy, but he’s also genuine in his liking for getting a bit of external attention.
He doesn’t mind that at all. He’s got a strut as it is, and then there’s the strut that gets emphasised when the red light comes on.
He’s also a big offender when it comes to social media fines, too.
He’s done great things, so deserves the accolades, but it’s pretty funny to stand by and see.
And if you’re reading this, Coxy, you can bet there are more fines coming your way!
COACH’S PET(S)
Coaches are generally obsessed with football, so they’ll tend to gravitate to players who are a bit the same.
Adam Treloar is probably our one. He’d never say a bad word about the coach, or any coach, and he’s a footy-head.
Pendles used to be, but he’s probably dropped off just slightly. Actually, Pendles probably holds joint favouritism with Ads!
There’s a bit in giving feedback in meetings that boosts your prospects, or maybe having a kick with Bucks on the track, just generally getting around him. Gone are the days of players running to the coach’s office, but it’s just general man-love for the coach, or for the game itself.
Sometimes they cop it directly for it, sometimes they cop it without even knowing it.
Bucks has been pretty good with building a band of blokes in this category, so there’s always a chance someone will laugh at his jokes in each meeting. It’s clever.
FOODIES
I’m guilty of this one — I love my food, and living in South Yarra, am a bit spoiled for choice.
But it’s not often you get an opportunity to throw one of your best mates under the bus. Ben Reid, I’m looking at you.
He’s lived a life where he’s eaten everything in front of him. Don’t get between him and a plate of food — even if you ordered the same dish 15 minutes before him at a cafe. He won’t hesitate to take yours when the waiter arrives.
Then came GlutenGate.
Ben’s wife is a nutritionist, and has put him off gluten, and maybe dairy, too. But that message didn’t reach our club’s chef, Ange. So he was gluten-free at home, but he neglected to mention it at the club!
It didn’t last long before Erin got the message to Ange, so now he cops an absolute barrage from me. Every time he picks something up, I’m into him to be sure it’s gluten-free.
He knows which side his (gluten-free) bread is buttered, but that’s not going to stop me.
He doesn’t love it, nor does he like me giving him grief, but I’m determined to make both things a common occurrence.
OTHER FOOTY CLUB RULES
— Pay your fines on time, otherwise there’ll be interest.
— Never, ever assume a seat is free in a meeting. Everyone has their spot. Respect it. We are creatures of habit.
— Stay between the lines. In the carpark, that is. Bad parking — or nicking one of the disabled parking spots if you’re late — is frowned upon by the Fines Committee.
— Enjoy it. Thirteen years can pass by in a flash. And it’s bloody good fun.
Why Allen needs Eagles more than they need him amid Lions links
It’s a strange statement to attach to the co-captain of a bottom-four club, but Oscar Allen needs the struggling Eagles more than they need him, writes ELIZA REILLY.
Potential Houston replacement puts Port contract talks on hold
He has been touted as a breakout contender for Port Adelaide and is unsigned beyond this year. But for now this Power youngster’s focus is on playing regularly, not a new deal.