Footy Christmas shopping guide — weirdest pieces of AFL merchandise

BARBECUE tools, door stoppers and aftershave — there’s almost no limit to products you can buy to promote your AFL team. And that’s before you get to the gifts too racy for kids.

Essendon coffee.

NEED a last-minute stocking stuffer for the diehard AFL fan in your life? We’ve got you covered.

From a Western Bulldogs AFL barbecue multi-function tool ($19) — a spatula with a Dogs logo on the handle — to a 9-carat yellow gold and diamond Fremantle members ring ($899), there’s almost nothing you can’t buy with some tie to an AFL team.

Does a friend love footy — and coffee? Look no further than coffee.afl, where they proclaim they are “as passionate about coffee as we are about the (insert AFL team name)”.

“Now you can support the Bombers by celebrating your coffee ritual every day with our premium quality, slow-roasted coffee capsules in Essendon colours.”

The perfect gift for Bomber baristas.

Looking for something racier? How about a Magpies garter.

The website which launched in September celebrates the “heroes, lovers and dreamers” of our favourite sport, and morning caffeine hit. A box of 10 Essendon premium espresso capsules is $8. If they don’t get Jobe Watson on a Visy-style ambassador deal, they aren’t doing their job properly.

More of a sweet tooth? Bake Boss sells edible AFL club logos to sit on top of your next cake. They come in round, rectangular, jumper-shaped or a set of 15 cupcake-sized image transfers — all at $9.90 each.

You can also find tomato sauce bottles in club colours, footy salt and pepper shakers, an insulated AFL lunch bag to keep it in and napkins printed with your team’s theme song to clean up afterwards.

Imagine your loved one’s face when they unwrap that odd-shaped gift under the tree to find an AFL garter belt. “Whether you want to surprise your FH on your wedding day by supporting his favourite team, or even to wear as an accessory to support your favourite team, my AFL inspired garters have been made to match the current football teams colours,” proclaims The Bride’s Garter, which sells satin garters in all 18 club colours for $35 — complete with a metal logo pin, and a warning that demand is high during footy season.

Enjoy the sweet taste of Gold Coast’s six victories last season.

An owl-shaped doorstop in Western Bulldogs colours because why not?

Golf lovers (bags, balls, umbrellas and tees in club colours), car enthusiasts (seat and steering wheel covers) and pet owners (club-themed bowls, collars and dog jumpers) are well catered-for.

Does your friend have a billiard table? Pick up a pool ball set for $99, a pool cue ($99) and cue case ($44) all in your club’s colours. Or maybe an AFL team dart board ($90.95) would look better on the living room wall (complete with darts in club colours, of course).

The official AFL wireless door chime — accept no imitations.

With dog jumpers now it’s not only human Richmond fans who can suffer.

Other items don’t fit neatly into any particular category including club sleeping bags, candles (“use under adult supervision”), bean bags, garden gnomes, soap, alarm clocks in the shape of a footy scoreboard, picnic baskets, toothbrushes, doorstops, wireless door chimes (four tones: club song, ‘ding dong’, Up There Cazaly or footy siren) and the Babushka dolls that a Richmond fan found while on holidays in eastern Europe.

The things you find in Prague @JackRiewoldt08 @BrettDeledio03 @brandonjellis @tcotchin9 @Richmond_FC #Prague pic.twitter.com/jVlNnMYt9k

— Matthew Jackson (@MJackson_1992) August 20, 2015

Need a gift for the person who has everything? We can pretty much guarantee they don’t have an AFL solar toucan (with sound). We can’t tell you what you’re supposed to do with it, but it will set you back $30.

Solar toucans. Better for the planet than non-solar toucans.

Get passionate about your team while you clean your teeth.

And you can wrap all your gifts in AFL club wrapping paper ($4 a roll on eBay) and put them under the Collingwood inflatable Christmas tree ($5 on gumtree, not available in any other teams).

Scroll down for some more bizarre gift ideas. Happy Christmas!

Your kid can go to sleep thinking he’s Robbie Gray.

Support your team and guard against car theft with a Hawthorn car seat cover.

Set your alarm for ‘time on’.

These soaps may not be officially AFL-approved.

Smell like Dustin Martin.

A pen that plays music. Why has no one thought of this before?

Your guess is as good as ours.

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