Danny McGinlay’s shoo-in predictions and team banners for 2017

FOOTSCRAY funnyman Danny McGinlay pulls some season predictions out of his crystal ball. PLUS: 2017 SEASON BANNERS FOR EVERY VIC CLUB.

I LOVE this time of year, every football fan has hope!

Be it the long-suffering Dockers fan who is praying that last year was just a blip, the ever optimistic Port supporter who dreams that this season things will click, or the poor old Demons faithful who might even dare to not book their Bulla chalet for the entire ski season.

Danny McGinlay's banner for the beleaguered Blues’ 2017 campaign

A public service announcement sure to be greatly appreciated by Richmond fans in 2017.

Nobody knows for certain what 2017 will bring, but that doesn’t stop every sports writer trying to predict the upcoming year’s events. Here’s my turn:

1. Bob’s legacy will be emulated by other clubs

Has a captain ever been more influential during a season without actually playing?

From Round 3 onwards Murph was forced to watch from the sidelines, giving encouragement to his team mates through the good times, putting his arm around them during the bad.

By September, he had those pups believing they were invincible.

DANNY McGINLAY’S 2016 BANNER FOR YOUR CLUB

This is now a proven model for success, so by round 4 most club captains will have their legs broken by team doctors.

This has been met with extreme enthusiasm by the Fremantle playing group, many offering to bring in their own sledgehammers.

Some incentive for the lads at Windy Hill this year.

Inspirational words for the Hawks.

2. Brisbane Lions to make top 4

Typically the Victorian media haven’t noticed the excitement brewing out of Wooloongabba.

So many pundits have written off the Lions too soon. A leaked internal memo has revealed a cunning plan to ensure success, the “men’s” team will actually be the all-conquering women’s team in drag.

ADAM COONEY’S PREDICTIONS FOR 2017

A shipment of false beards and the announcement of new captains Taylor Harris and Frederick Sabrina-Traub and suddenly September glory beckons.

Pat on the back, St Kilda.

Aspiration All the way for Melbourne this year.

3. Finally the Scott Brothers will do The Parent Trap

Ever since 2011 when Chris Scott took over the coaching reigns at the cattery, AFL fans have dreamt of the day the identical twins will dress as the other one and coach his brother’s side.

In Round two the Kangas and the Cats do battle at Etihad, Chris and Brad will meet in the car park beforehand, swap clothes and the con will be on.

ADAM COONEY ON THE LIES PLAYERS TELL

How confused the players will be, as their hard-nut angry boss is replaced by another hard-nut angry boss.

The Shinboners. Nothing if not enthusiastic.

4. Heritage Round returns

It’s always a nostalgic highlight when the teams don their old jumpers, the classic logos are shown and the umpires dress as white maggots.

This year I think we should go the whole hog with all heritage round matches played at the old suburban grounds, full strength beers served in cans and players must have a cigarette at three quarter time.

But what about GWS and Gold Coast? Simple — they hark back to their glory days by losing by over 100 points.

Sage advice for Geelong fans.

5. State of Origin too

I’m actually serious with this one, here’s my idea: in that week between the home and away season finishing and the finals starting — play Victoria v South Australia, Western Australia v Tasmania and NSW v Queensland with squads made up of players from clubs that haven’t made the finals.

McGINLAY’S REJECTED AFLW BANNERS

This way, the fans get footy to watch, players who aren’t in the finals have a reason to maintain form and Tasmanians get to support their own side.

I know I know, I’m not paid to have actual ideas … so back to my usual gear:

McGinlay's fighting words for the kennel.

Some humble words for Collingwood supporters by Danny McGinlay, who, completely coincidently, is the Dogs’ banner writer.

6. Dogs go #barktobark

Bontempelli wins the Brownlow, Cloke gets the Coleman, Tim English is the Rising Star, Toby McLean for Norm Smith and then as Bevo accepts his Jock McHale medal and just before he and Bob lift that Premiership Cup, Bevo turns back to the microphone and says, “I’d like to call up Danny McGinlay to the stage …”

Danny McGinlay is the Western Bulldogs’ banner writer.
See Danny live at his Comedy Festival show