‘It was the worst two years of my life’: North Melbourne’s Todd Goldstein on On the Mark

TODD Goldstein’s worst form of his career coincided with a dramatic split from his partner. It was only after he learned to vocalise his issues that his form and mental health began to turn around.

Todd Goldstein is bouncing back from a tough two years. Photo: Quinn Rooney/Getty Images

NORTH Melbourne ruckman Todd Goldstein has opened up on the “worst two years of his life”, detailing how his separation from his partner and his poor on field form led to him seeking professional help for his mental health.

Goldstein’s separation in 2016 coincided with a remarkable drop off in form, with the 2015 All-Australian ruckman dumped from the AFL side midway through the 2017 season.

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The 29-year-old said it was the lightning rod for him to seek help, as he struggled to balance fatherhood with the increasingly difficult task of fronting up to play footy.

“I realised I wasn’t as strong and as comfortable with myself as I thought I was,” Goldstein said on Fox Footy’s On The Mark.

“If things went wrong, if I had issues, I’d just internalise. I wasn’t someone who was an open book or talking to my family or friends.

“I’d keep it to myself and try and deal with it and please everyone else. I’d try and tell people I was fine when clearly I wasn’t.

“That was the biggest step for me, working with a counsellor and realising I do need to vocalise what’s going on.”

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Goldstein has learned the value of finding an identity outside of football.

And he believes it has made him a better father, friend and footballer.

“A lot of players struggle when they leave the AFL system because they believe that what they are is an AFL person,” Goldstein said.

“Once you lose that identity you don’t know who you are. So it’s about finding out who you are as a person, what makes you tick and what makes you happy.

“You’re not always going to have good days on the footy field and you’re not going always going to have footy.

“I realised to be the best dad I could be I needed to be happy, even if that meant being selfish to get myself sorted.”

Todd Goldstein. Photo: AAP Image/ David Crosling

Goldstein said he hit “rock bottom” around North Melbourne’s bye last season, when his desire to compete became non-existent and his ability to talk to his friends and family also waned.

“I was really, really struggling and couldn’t function,” Goldstein said.

“I didn’t want to be at the club, I wasn’t enjoying footy and I was playing terrible footy at the time. I didn’t have that drive to keep working.

“I realised I really needed to prioritise myself and start taking time away from footy to go and see a counsellor.”

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While Goldstein’s relationship with his teammates were tested throughout 2017 as he kept his mental health issues to himself, he said coach Brad Scott was unwavering in his support.

“Mental health is such an important topic and he was constantly talking to me about it and making sure the club allowed me enough time to go and see (my counsellor),” Goldstein said.

“Brad was really helpful.”

If you or someone you know needs help contact Beyond Blue or Lifeline.

If you are between 12 and 25 years of age, contact Headspace.

Originally published as ‘It was the worst two years of my life’: North Melbourne’s Todd Goldstein on On the Mark