Hello footy, goodbye family: Titus O’Reily welcomes back footy for 2019

We all know individuals who think things like kids’ birthdays, weddings and bail hearings should come before footy. My message to those people is clear: Stop putting yourself first — the rest of us are busy until October. Titus O’Reily welcomes back footy for 2019.

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Hello footy. Goodbye family and friends

It’s been a long six months for us all since the AFL season ended with Collingwood not winning the premiership.

Being from Victoria, I forget who did win the premiership, but the important thing is it wasn’t the Pies.

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For me, the last six months have been a hellish time of warm weather and spending time with family and friends.

There’s been some really tough moments. At one stage, I had to have a long chat with a family member about their hopes and dreams. Feigning a low level of interest in what they were saying took every part of my being.

It’s been many months since the Magpies choked and a non-Victorian team won. Picture: Getty

I even had to have a lengthy conversation about tennis with someone, which was as harrowing as it sounds.

Thankfully, that’s all coming to an end.

With the return of the AFLW and the AFL pre-season, it’s now time to say goodbye to your family and friends and return to the one thing we all love, football.

We’re in the thick of the AFLW season and soon, 17 teams will compete for the Premiership. The Gold Coast Suns will also have a ceremonial role in the season, which will be nice.

But it’s not always easy to say goodbye to family and friends until October.

I mean, it’s easy for us footy fans but some people don’t get they’re not the focus for the next six months.

We all know individuals who think things like kids’ birthdays, christenings, weddings, bail hearings and health scares should all come before football.

This sort of lunacy can manifest itself in many ways, like when you want to talk about your team’s big win on the weekend, yet all your co-worker wants to talk about is how hard they’re finding their divorce.

We all know how boring it is when a co-worker tries to talk about their divorce instead of the footy.

This sort of selfish mindset also plays havoc with trying to manage your social calendar.

It constantly baffles me how seemingly intelligent people fail to take the important step of seeing what footy is on before attempting to hold some sort of social occasion that no one wants to go to anyway.

The AFL fixture is not a state secret. It’s available online, it’s in the paper, it’s on fridge magnets, there’s even an app.

But still the invites come. You know, you get a text message and it says, “Hey guys, it’s Jono’s 40th on April 14th. Come along!”

And you look at the message and think, what, you want me to miss the Suns playing Carlton?

The selfishness is breathtaking.

My message to non-footy fans is clear, it’s time to stop putting yourself first.

Until October we’re all busy. Do not schedule a single thing, not even during a North Melbourne game.

All we want to talk about from now on is groins in great detail, the way the AFL’s constant rule tinkering is ruining the game and how incorrect disposal hasn’t been correctly called since, well ever.

Thanking you in advance for your understanding.

@TitusOReily

Want more Titus: titusoreily.com

*Catch Titus O’Reily’s Comedy Festival show Better Living Through Sport from March 27-April 21 at The Imperial Hotel, bookings comedyfestival.com.au