Patrick Dangerfield: ‘I knew I needed help but didn’t want to be a burden’

NATHAN Buckley and Jeff Kennett have led a chorus of support for Geelong superstar Patrick Dangerfield after he revealed his personal battle with self doubt.

Patrick Dangerfield ​says Alex Fasolo is the definition of courage. Picture: Getty

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NATHAN Buckley has led a chorus of support for Patrick Dangerfield after the Geelong superstar revealed his personal battle with self doubt.

Buckley tweeted his support for Dangerfield in the wake of Alex Fasolo stepping away from football after revealing his depression.

Former Victorian premier and Beyond Blue ambassador Jeff Kennett said Dangerfield’s column was a vital step forward.

“It is extremely helpful when talented and respected sportsmen speak of their experience with depression,” he tweeted.

“Every father should talk to sons using Patrick Dangerfield’s writings and experience as the basis of discussion No shame in being ill, can be cured quickly with prof help.”

Well written @dangerfield35 and thanks for sharing. This is spot on. https://t.co/7WRH818ntm

— Nathan Buckley (@ncb_cfc) June 4, 2017

In his own words, Dangerfield opened up to the Sunday Herald Sun on dark days of self doubt and how reaching out for professional help turned his career around

​THE definition of courage is Collingwood’s Alex Fasolo.

His decision to publicly declare he was suffering from depression is as brave as it gets.

And it should be applauded.

Fasolo is not alone.

AFL can be a never-ending cycle of anxiety for many players.

That nagging feeling nothing in your life will make you happy — other than a good performance.

This is the biggest challenge facing every player, to find a way to put a smile on your face from something other than footy.

What happens if you don’t play well?

That feeling of disappointment snowballs.

Have I let my teammates down?

Are the coaches upset?

What could I have done better?

Am I going to be dropped?

What about my contract?

It’s up this year, am I going to be delisted?

I just bought a house, what about my mortgage?

Picture: Wayne Ludbey

And before you know it, you’re living on the edge and it can mentally drain you of everything.

Having the courage to speak to someone and not bottle up these feelings is crucial. And I know that from personal experience.

I didn’t have depression. I’d describe it as more a feeling of melancholy. It was in 2014 in Adelaide and I was going through a flat patch. I wasn’t really enjoying my footy, I was playing poorly and the only way I could get my enjoyment was from playing well.

But that wasn’t happening.

I couldn’t help but feel I was letting down my teammates every time I went out to play.

Doubt had invaded my mind. I was thinking back to the previous year and recalling that what was easy then just wasn’t happening. It was almost like, “Oh my God, the game has passed me by”.

I felt like everywhere I went, the ball wasn’t. I knew I needed help.

But I didn’t want to burden anyone, I didn’t want anyone to pass judgment or think less of me for what was going on in my head.

I didn’t want to tell my parents because I want Mum and Dad’s job to simply be Mum and Dad.

And I wanted my teammates’ job to be my teammates.

Picture: NIGEL HALLETT

I spoke to the AFL Players Association and they put me in touch with a psychiatrist from Adelaide — and it was the best thing I have ever done.

In that environment with a specialist, I could be myself, talk about what I was experiencing and he gave me tools to help deal with the emotions I was feeling.

My situation is so far removed from what many others have gone through — or what I gather Fasolo is dealing with.

But I remember thinking, “Gee, I wish I’d done this 10 weeks earlier”.

A wonderful thing happened during this bad patch.

I was probably three weeks into it when out of the blue I got a text message from my teammate Jared Petrenko.

The message said: “Even though I know you’re not playing as you would like, I love playing with you.”

I felt so good after receiving a message from a mate like that. Sometimes that’s all it takes.

Rather than thinking it, to actually tell a teammate, a work colleague or a family member that you like what they’re doing can be so important.

Picture: Michael Klein

I’ve spoken to people who’ve suffered depression and they say the key is to talk about it and not fear the judgement of others.

Society has grown up enough to accept that.

In the AFL, Alex Fasolo is now the face of dealing with depression from a football perspective.

He has shown that it’s OK to put your hand up and say: “I’m struggling.”

I guarantee there are players right now at clubs who are thinking, “I can’t wait until this year finishes”, even though we’re only at Round 11.

They’re just sick of the anxiety, sick of being belted by people who have no idea about the anxiety they’re going through.

It shouldn’t be the case. You should be able to look back and feel that you loved going to work.

But for a lot of AFL players, that just isn’t the case.

This is where social media can be a trap. The problem with Generation Y is they’re so worried what someone they will never meet thinks about them.

We’re in a society in which your value is judged by how many people are following you on the various forms of social media.

Picture: Sarah Reed

Why care about the opinion of someone we will never meet?

You can’t tell young players not to be on social media — that’s impossible.

But if you’re having a tough time, I guarantee the couple of negative comments will stick in your head rather than the dozen positive ones.

What’s disappointing is seeing guys coming to the end of their AFL careers — after playing 100 games over six or seven years — and not glowing with endorsement of how enjoyable it was.

They will speak about the pressure, the anxiety and how when it finished they could finally take a deep breath after being so tightly wound for so long.

Generally, it will be a family member who at some stage will ask the million-dollar question: “Why do it?”

That feeling of winning, the adrenaline rush of contributing to team success, is intoxicating. It’s what draws you in every time.

But if you’re struggling and that is lost, that’s when help is required.

It’s often so hard for teammates or family members to see that you’re struggling.

What we can only hope is that more people like Alex Fasolo stand up and show that depression is not a taboo subject.

It’s real and it needs to be talked about.

I did it. So can you.

If you or someone you know needs help, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or beyondblue on 1300 224 636