Danny Frawley’s family, friends reflect on his mental health legacy as five-year anniversary of his death approaches
Those close to Danny Frawley have spoken of his mental health legacy almost five years on from his passing as the family battles through a tough time dealing with Anita’s cancer fight.
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Chelsea Frawley gazes towards an empty Moorabbin Oval, reflecting on the time her father brought her footy team to train at the new facility without permission.
The former Richmond coach was in charge of the Old Haileybury women’s team, which included two of his daughters, and figured the newly renovated spiritual home – where he’d played most of his 240 games for St Kilda – was ideal for his charges to use.
“That was Dad; he didn’t ask anyone, he just decided it was a good place for us to train,” Chelsea explains.
The move was short-lived, but it’s just one of hundreds of stories Chelsea has about her father. Most are funny; many are inspirational, but there is one tragic one that his eldest daughter is determined to stop others from experiencing.
Four-and-a-half years ago, Danny died by suicide by deliberately driving off the road and into a tree near Ballarat.
A subsequent post-mortem examination revealed he had fallen victim to chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), a degenerative brain disease, attributed to the cumulative impact of concussions sustained during his illustrious football career.
While many retreat to deal with the grief of losing a loved one, Chelsea, her sisters Danielle and Keeley, and mother Anita, have done the opposite.
Chelsea is the head of community and operations at the Danny Frawley Centre, so it’s her job to talk about her father every day.
A giant mural of him is just metres away from her office in the building that is named after him.
“The hard thing is that he is no longer here, but being able to talk about him and relive his memories, (and) work in his honour keeps him alive, because he was such a special unique person,” she says.
“I was recently in Shepparton and this person was like, ‘Your Dad helped me to get into seeing help’. I was like ‘how did you even meet Dad?’ (but) he personally helped someone get help.
“Just the impact that he had on people means they don’t … they want to keep his memory alive for what he kind of stood for in mateship, connection and speaking out.”
On Thursday at the MCG, the fourth Spud’s Game between St Kilda and Collingwood will be played in his honour, promoting mental health awareness and raising funds for the Danny Frawley Centre to continue their community programs.
“Mental health affects two in five of us, but it affects a lot more of us at an indirect level,” Chelsea explains. “I don’t know the literal stats, but I know that everyone knows someone who is going through something.
“There is a lot more than we think and it is important that the AFL has a voice here in being able to promote mental health messaging. I’m so grateful for the Saints to give me the opportunity to work here; (but) it doesn’t feel like work, it feels like family.”
Take a tour of the Danny Frawley Centre with our AFLW star Serene Watson ahead of Spud’s Game! 🎥
— St Kilda FC (@stkildafc) March 19, 2024
Help raise funds for life-saving mental health programs run through the DFC → https://t.co/lqiZUt7l3npic.twitter.com/6IIbmGDPMN
Today we remember our former coach Danny Frawley, two years since his passing.
— Richmond FC 🯠(@Richmond_FC) September 9, 2021
We all miss you, Spud 💛 pic.twitter.com/Jj1zOvxw6m
She then pauses and gathers her thoughts, as she looks out again across the oval.
“It does get hard, I get quite passionate and I’m very tied to what I am doing,” Chelsey says. “But it gets me out of bed in the morning, knowing we have an ability to make sure, to teach people skills to make sure people don’t go through what we did as a family.”
The Frawley clan have had to call on their own teachings unexpectedly in recent times when another major life curveball was thrown their way, a cancer fight for Anita.
“We are going through a tough time as a family at the moment,” Chelsea explains.
“Mum is quite ill; she is on the other side now, but she has gone through treatment for chemotherapy.
“But you know what we learnt through dad, and what we have learnt through bringing this facility to life — and my sister is now studying psychology — it has meant we have actually been able to stay super-positive for mum and really resilient as a family.
“Looking at the way we have been able to cope, with the news about mum, say five years ago (it) would have been life-shattering. Obviously, no-one wants to hear the word cancer, but those skills we have learnt have meant that, as a family, (we) have been really resilient and really been able to lean-in and support mum where she needs it.
“She has also had the most positive attitude. She uses mindfulness daily before she goes to sleep because she knows how much impact that has in her frame of mind, going through what she is going through.”
THE DANNY FRAWLEY CENTRE
The DFC, as Chelsea likes to call it, is an impressive facility. There is a pool, fully equipped gym, recovery technologies, mental fitness coaching and psychology services and it’s open to anyone in the community that needs help.
In a nutshell, the aim of the DFC is to build mental fitness – the theme of the programs Chelsea runs at schools and local sporting clubs.
“Our community programs are about giving people the skills to cope with life’s ups and downs before they go through challenges like Year 12 exams, relationship breakups, grief … (it’s) kind of a toolbox they can draw on,” she says.
“You do that through mindfulness and creating daily habits – like physical fitness – because we all know how to train our physical fitness, we know how important that is. I think the missing link is around how important it is to build your mental fitness.”
This was rammed home to everyone at St Kilda last year when forward Tim Membrey pulled out of the elimination final on the morning of the game because of mental illness.
“I think having this facility allows the players to feel comfortable that mental health is a priority and it’s taken really seriously and there is support where you need it,” Chelsea says.
“I hope everyone in the AFL, regardless of what team you play for, feels that. Opening the Danny Frawley Centre means people who are struggling in the community do reach out.
“Connecting Dad’s story, obviously tragic, but connecting the story and this place as a beacon of hope is probably the most special part of the job really, having people see this is a place where they can come for help.”
The spectre of concussion and its impact was again rammed home for the Frawleys when Danielle’s fiance, Melbourne premiership player Angus Brayshaw, was forced to retire last month because of ongoing issues from a series of head knocks.
While Chelsea is heartened by the new guidelines the AFL has put in place, including a 21-day ban in community leagues after a concussion, she believes all new players coming into the game should have brain scans.
On Brayden Maynard’s qualifying final bump on Brayshaw, which left him concussed and ultimately forced him into retirement, Chelsea is careful what she says but the sentiment is clear.
“Obviously what happened last year, it seems to be a bit reactive. The AFL could have come out a bit stronger around that incident. I do feel like they are becoming more proactive, but that one incident … “
SPUD’S MATES
All three of Danny Frawley’s good mates are blown away by the same thing — the time since he passed.
“(Almost) five years, Jesus that has gone quick,” Garry Lyon says.
“I can’t believe how quickly that has gone,” Jason Dunstall remarks.
“That is a jolt,” Hamish McLachlan says when reminded Frawley’s passing was on September 9, 2019.
“I probably thought it was a couple of years, but when you say that, you realise it has been so much longer. The thing that probably has me thinking it’s less is how often I think of him.”
Whether it is on Fox Footy or Triple M – the two media outlets Frawley shone on with hilarious hijinks – his name is still constantly being brought up, which says a lot about the affection colleagues had for the former Saints skipper.
“We are never going to forget him because there are so many stories that come up because Spud is a big part of it and the laughter he still brings with the memories,” Dunstall says about his former co-star on Fox Footy’s The Bounce.
“He is going to be missed every day, but we’re certainly never going to forget him.”
The increase in awareness around mental health, particularly in the AFL industry, because of what happened to Spud has forced people to look at their own lives, according to Lyon.
“I have had my own issues, because it (Frawley’s situation) ended so tragically it brought it (mental health) to the forefront dramatically,” Lyon says.
“You had no choice but to address your own emotions around it and your own attitudes to it.
“It is incumbent upon us for his legacy that we continue to talk about it and try to understand it more and more. Danny was a really sensitive man, a really gruff lad and one of the boys, but he was a sensitive soul. Clearly in his own quiet times, he had his battles and issues so that’s part of the understanding of it. Parts of your life can be in really good shape, but other parts are a real challenge.
“(But) I’m no professional. There are degrees of it; not everyone has depression; anxiety is a big thing; stress is a big thing. It all comes at you in different ways, shapes or forms.
“Coping mechanisms are what we have got to get our head around and the Danny Frawley Centre is part of that. I’m still learning, I have good days and bad days too so don’t hide from it, talk about it and let’s get on with it.”
McLachlan says there are still times where he struggles to understand why his mate was beaten by the “black dog”.
“I still find it extraordinary that somebody who had so much – wife, children, friends – can be beaten by it,” McLachlan says.
“I guess it reminds me how brutal and how big a battle so many are going through, given he lost his fight.
“When I think about him, I think about all the funny stuff and amusing times, the ridiculous anecdotes and the clown that he was, then the next thought is ‘Jesus, if he can, with all that he had, be beaten, then anyone can be’.”
Lyon, Dunstall and McLachlan are all, collectively, in awe of the work Chelsea and the Frawley family have done in channelling Danny’s tragic circumstances into a vehicle for change and hope.
“Incredibly brave” is Lyon’s description. “You think about how you would react differently if it was your Dad or your Mum or your brother or sister.
“I am a pretty private person, I don’t know whether I would be brave enough or selfless enough to be able to grieve publicly and then take up the runnings (about mental health).
“Anita is an incredibly strong woman and Chelsea is obviously cut from the same cloth. All the girls are just magnificent, they are doing great work and Danny would be just so proud of them.”
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