AFLW 2023: St Kilda’s Nicola Stevens opens up on difficult year after losing her mum to early-onset dementia

For inaugural AFLW player Nicola Stevens, this year has been tough. The Saints star opens up on losing her mum to dementia, and her determination to support those in similar situations.

AFLW player Nicola Stevens who unfortunately lost her mum who lost a long battle with Alzheimer's earlier this year after first being diagnosed at 52 when Nicola was in Year 12. She has been an ambassador for Dementia Australia ever since. Picture by Wayne Taylor 5th October 2023

Nicola Stevens wears a bit of her mum in every AFL Women’s game.

Stevens, 30, has made a white ribbon her trademark since she was taken at pick six in the inaugural AFL Women’s draft, having worn it as a teenager so mum Ann could see where she was on the field.

Then, it was a handy addition. Now, its meaning is poignant.

Ann was just 52 when she was diagnosed with early-onset dementia. She hadn’t seemed herself.

Nicola was 18 – in Year 12. She felt alone as her mum suffered a rapid decline.

It had been some 13 years, but in January, Ann’s “tragedy”, as Stevens describes it, came to an end.

But the ribbon won’t.

“I still wear my white ribbon. When mum passed away, actually, I put one of my white ribbons in with her, along with my helmet that she made me wear when I was playing Under 10s football,” Stevens said this week.

“I’m with her, and she’s with me.”

Stevens always wears her white ribbon in her hair when playing. Picture: Getty Images

At the time of her passing, Stevens remembered a mum filled with “strength, determination, patience and a kind heart”.

She and older brother Aidan had been “lucky”, she says, to have shared so many beautiful years with their mum before illness struck so deeply, impacting Ann’s personality, memory and speech before the diagnosis came.

Now at St Kilda, Stevens admits after a dozen years of walking the difficult path of dementia, the last few months have been anything but easy as she and Aidan navigate life without mum – almost for a second time.

“The journey that we went on as a family with mum since her diagnosis was such a rollercoaster,” she said.

“You obviously go through a grieving period at the beginning when we had her diagnosis, and throughout the whole 10 to 12 years we almost felt like we’d lost her quite a while ago.

“When she became quite unwell in early January, just before her 65th birthday, it was almost like you have to revisit all that grief again.

“It’s like you’re losing her for the second time, even though it feels like you’ve already lost her. It was a really, really challenging time for all of us in the family. Part of it is that she’s at peace and no longer suffering after suffering for quite a long time.”

Stevens admits there was some comfort to be found in their overwhelming sense of grief.

“There was a sense of relief, knowing that she’s now OK and she’s with her own mother to look after her, which is nice,” she said.

St Kilda player Nicola Stevens, mum Ann and her brother Aidan. Picture: Instagram

Footy has proven a saving grace, with Saturday’s clash with Hawthorn marking Stevens’ 65th AFLW game.

“It’s been a huge 12 months. To think that I only moved to the Saints about 14 months ago – it’s been an enormous transition, but I’ve felt really supported since I arrived at the Saints,” she said.

“Only a few months later, my mum passed away and the club were absolutely amazing support throughout that time even though it was during the off-season. I’ve always felt like I’ve got people in my corner.

“By the time this AFLW pre-season rolled around, I was like, ‘thank goodness – something to look forward to and a way to express myself and get back into feeling more like myself again with the people that I love doing it with’.

“I’ve been very grateful for this season and the timing came at the perfect time.

“I wasn’t alone (as teammates endured their own personal struggles too). There as just a real sense of embrace among the playing group and it was really nice to be a part of that and feel really supported.”

A qualified osteopath, Stevens now works as a clinical consultant for Stryker, providing case support for joint replacement surgery and is ambassador for Dementia Australia, “to help others feel like they’re not alone”.

“When mum was diagnosed when I was in Year 12, I felt like I was the only person going through this,” she said.

“The more that I heard other people going through a similar tragedy – and it is a tragedy – I did feel in a sense that I wasn’t alone and there were other people that had been through what we were going through.

“I do try to circle back and give back to help others feel like they’re not walking on that journey by themselves.”

St Kilda meets Hawthorn at Moorabbin on Saturday having notched two-straight wins after a 0-3 start to the season – a run of victories Stevens is optimistic the team can build upon.

“In the last couple of weeks, we’ve shown some real signs of resilience and maturity and put together some really strong performances, both against Collingwood and the Dogs on the weekend,” she said.

“It’s a really nice feeling among the group at the moment.

“(Hawthorn) are a really physical and contested team. We’d like to continue to build from here – we’ve shown some really good growth and started to play our brand of footy more consistently which is super positive … we’ve got some challenging games coming up before finishing with Brisbane and Carlton so it really is just game by game.”

With the ribbon firmly fastened.