AFL media watch: Best and worst footy commentary moments of Round 17

SWEARING on live TV, assaulting a player in the locker rooms and bizarre body-language analysis. These were the AFL commentary moments of Round 17 that had us laughing, gasping and shaking our heads in disbelief.

Kane Cornes and Alastair Lynch

SWEARING on live TV, assaulting a player in the locker rooms and bizarre body-language analysis. These were the AFL commentary moments of Round 17 that had us laughing, gasping and shaking our heads in disbelief.

STAR HAWK’S SHOCK INJURY

EVERY AFL TEAM’S INJURY LIST

SILVAGNI FIRES BACK AT CRITICS

‘WHAT A SACK OF SH*T!’

We agreed with Luke Darcy’s sentiment on Brandon Ellis’s dodgy kick. We just wouldn’t have described it in the same terms on national TV.

“Ellis, what a sack of a sh*t that was, that didn’t spin the right way once.”

Darcy was likely going for “shank of a kick”, but got diverted at sack. Meanwhile, co-commentators James Brayshaw and Matthew Richardson did well to continue on without missing a beat or descending into a Triple M-style laugh fest.

It also marks the first time profanity has returned to live AFL coverage since Gerard Healy’s famous Gold Coast slip of the tongue a few years ago.

LYNCH’S MEMORY LOSS

The best commentators have an encyclopaedic knowledge of the game and its players. Think Bruce McAvaney, Dennis Cometti … and not Alastair Lynch.

On Fox Footy’s coverage of Gold Coast Suns v Essendon on Saturday night, Lynch was asked about one of his former Brisbane Lions teammates, Michael Rischitelli, who’s now playing for the Suns.

Unfortunately, Lynch had totally forgotten about him — telling viewers he’d retired by the time Rischitelli arrived at the club.

A few moments later, Lynch appeared to miraculously remember Rischitelli (obviously courtesy of an astute producer speaking into his earpiece).

“I did play one game with Michael Rischitelli,” Lynch said. “I kicked six (goals) that night, so he probably laced me out a few times.”

Forgetting the single game they played together is understandable — but forgetting a bloke you shared a workplace with for an entire year? Come on, Lynchy.

JUST ANOTHER WEEK AT THE OFFICE FOR BT

What better way for a commentator to kick off the weekend than by clumsily assaulting a player?

Obviously Brian Taylor forgot about Jake Carlisle’s punctured lung when he swatted him with his footy record. But was there a need to be that familiar with a bloke with his head in his locker?

BT accidentally gave Jake Carlisle a whack on a sore spot. 😬😂#AFLSaintsBrowns pic.twitter.com/C5lA2G0ZHG

— 7AFL (@7AFL) July 13, 2018

At the other end of the weekend, BT dished up the poorest commentary moment of North Melbourne v Sydney.

“Davies-Uniacke made a mess of that,” BT blurted, after Sydney’s Will Hayward sprayed a kick through for a point.

Bristle, if you don’t know a player’s name when you’re commentating, don’t just guess.

And if you have to guess, guess a bloke who plays on the right team. Luke Davies-Uniacke plays for North Melbourne, not Sydney.

TIME FOR A CAREER CHANGE?

Commentators who try to diagnose injuries run the risk of looking silly when it turns out the player’s fine.

But Triple M’s boundary rider Tania Armstrong’s work reporting Sean Darcy’s injury in Sunday’s Port Adelaide v Fremantle clash was pretty sharp.

As Darcy hobbled off the ground holding his groin, Armstrong told listeners the early signs weren’t good.

“He’s just got a hug from (Dockers footy manager) Chris Bond ... who doesn’t strike me as a hugger.”

Armstrong proved to be on the money, with Darcy in doubt for this week.

She might do well to consider a career as a body-language expert.

CORNES’ CROSS-PROMOTION

“I think it’s an issue that (Carlton coach Brendon Bolton) hasn’t played at the top level ... I know what footy clubs are like.”

Say what you like about Kane Cornes, but he knows how to get people talking.

There are a lot of vanilla opinions floating around in the world of footy media — particularly from recently-retired former players — but when a rival TV network is discussing your comments, you know you’re doing something right.

On Sunday, Channel 7’s GameDay spent a segment discussing Cornes’ view that Carlton players couldn’t help but respect Brendon Bolton less than a coach who’d played at the top level.

Skip to the 1-minute mark of the video clip below to hear Cornes’s thoughts and the subsequent discussion.

Meanwhile, in the same Sunday morning timeslot on Channel 9, Cornes was ruffling feathers as part of his role as a regular panellist on the Sunday Footy Show.

A note to Channel 7’s GameDay crew: when you’re using one of your rival’s comments as a talking point, that’s a pretty good indicator your show’s a bit dull.

Would you ever see Sam Pang talking about Sam Newman on The Front Bar?

WHY BLUES WON’T SACK BOLTON

FROM DRUGS BAN TO RE-SIGNED PIE

SUNDAY’S BIZARRO COMMENTARY WORLD

In previous weeks, this column has made mention of Channel 7 commentators’ lame puns and Dwayne Russell’s recycled catchcries.

Strangely, it seemed the two rival commentary teams were imitating one another on Sunday.

When Port Adelaide’s Sam Powell-Pepper kicked a long goal against the Dockers, Dwayne Russell exclaimed, “plenty of pepper on that!”

You could almost hear Hamish McLachlan kicking himself for not thinking of the gag himself.

Meanwhile on Channel 7, Brian Taylor borrowed Russell’s famous “shake-n-bake” line when calling one player stepping round another.

Admittedly, Taylor messed it up — calling it “bake and shake”, which would be a terrible way to make cookies.

Stay in your lanes, fellas.

WHAT DID WE MISS, AND WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE COMMENTARY MOMENT OF ROUND 17? LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS BELOW.