AFL Grand Final entertainment: Seven of the worst acts from Meat Loaf to Australian Idol

SINGING live at the MCG is both a dream and a nightmare for singers, but these performances really stank it up. Mr Loaf, we’re looking at you.

2011 Grand Final will be remembered for Meat Loaf’s painful vocals. Oh and someone won a flag.

SINGING live at the MCG on AFL Grand Final Day is both a dream and a nightmare for performers.

Here’s a bunch we’ll never forget, for all the wrong reasons.

MEAT LOAF

THERE can only be one No.1.

Look, if you’re ever have a bad day at work this is just a click away to remind you that at least it’s not on You Tube.

And remember Mr Loaf got paid six figures for this mess.

AFL SAYS MEAT LOAF ‘COULDN’T SING’

Meat Loaf with a rather odd-looking t-shirt shooter.

Meat Loaf’s unlucky 13 minutes from 2011 set the subzero benchmark for every AFL performance since, and every AFL performer since has been asked about what Meat served up. “I wanna hear some singing or I’m gonna kick some ass,” Loaf had the gall to say while his great band were doing some very heavy lifting.

Sadly no one has told Mr Loaf his vocals are now flat out of hell, resembling a wounded wildebeest bleeding out.

Ironically Loaf thinks he wasn’t that bad, although it’s a no-go zone when he does interviews now.

Tellingly he’s never toured Australia since.

ANGRY ANDERSON

IT’S 1991. Angry Anderson is still high on the fumes of soundtracking Kylie and Jason’s Neighbours wedding with Suddenly.

Picture: Darren Tindale

For some reason he’s in a blue Batmobile at the Grand Final singing his No. 11 motivational hit Bound for Glory.

Opening line “Life sucks, so what?”

Old mate Angry has sung in pubs dodging glasses, so singing very, very live in a Batmobile is no biggie.

With no pesky band to worry about Angry is free to roam the field. His vocals? He certainly wasn’t miming.

ELLIE GOULDING

SINGING live at the cavernous MCG is both a dream and a nightmare for singers.

So much can go wrong.

One solution is to prerecord vocals and goldfish along to them, to try and stop the echo that comes when your voice bounces around the venue.

Ellie Goulding was lynched on social. Picture: Wayne Ludbey

Or for British singer Ellie Goulding, “technical issues” in 2015 meant she couldn’t hear when her band (who sounded just like her record) had kicked in.

Cue trial by Twitter, the modern day lynchmob.

TOM JONES

So Macklemore singing marriage equality anthem Same Love at the NRL Grand Final is problematic, but Tom Jones sings a golden oldie literally about a man killing a woman with a knife and that’s cool bananas?

Tom’s got a lot of hits to choose from, someone in 2014 should have flagged that maybe he’d have more appropriate ones that don’t contain a bodycount. Great voice though.

Tom Jones — it was the song choice that hit a sour note. Picture: Wayne Ludbey Tom Jones

IRENE CARA

This one was more just random than terrible.

Of all the people and all the songs in the history of music, why would you fly Irene Cara out to perform the theme from long-forgotten 80s movie Flashdance at the 2006 AFL Grand Final?

An odd choice.

With a huge performance budget and backing dancers on a supersized stage?

Because it tied in to a cashed-up alcohol company who were using the song in a TV ad at the time. What a feeling.

DONNA FISK & MICHAEL CRISTIAN

TRYING to write a new footy anthem is tough — there’s a reason why we’ve heard Up There Cazaly over and over on the ‘G.

In 1998 Rock ‘N Footy, Rock the G was a bespoke number which name drops the MCG as well as a handful of teams, but it didn’t really catch on.

Donna and Michael did perform it on the Marngrook Footy Show Grand Final Special two years ago.

Donna Fisk and Michael Cristian.

AUSTRALIAN IDOL TOP 12

Welcome to 2003. There’s afro-era Guy Sebastian, a flavour-saver era Shannon Noll, pre-driving drama Paulini and a pre-Paris Millsy.

And a bunch of other people we’ve forgotten, all singing to a prerecorded version of the Mike Brady tune One Day in September.

Except you can tell most of them don’t know what they’re singing about.

Australian Idol finalists ... remember these guys?