The real story behind Madonna’s ‘meltdown’

It’s strange how Madonna’s gift to her Australian fans, the one-off Tears of a Clown show, has been used to crucify her when a real trainwreck would simply cancel the tour and go home.

The real story behind Madonna’s ‘meltdown’

In the throes of a “boozy meltdown” on stage, Madonna has somehow managed to perform for six hours over four days in Melbourne.

Not bad for a reported (in the UK and US press anyway) drunk slurring her way through these concerts with “incoherent rambling” and making a “sad spectacle” of herself.

With no new Amy Winehouse, the latest narrative is that Madonna is so broken by the custody trial involving son Rocco that she’s hit the bottle, dressed as a sad clown and is degrading herself.

Her age, 57, must also be mentioned, with the implied ageist value judgment that she should have settled into retirement by now. In reality, Madonna and Cher are forging new territory for pop stars still at the top of their game, just as the Rolling Stones and Paul McCartney are doing the same thing for rock.

Problem is, out of context sound bites from Madonna’s Australian shows have been twisted into nasty clickbait.

The headline “The world’s biggest pop star puts personal issues on hold to go on with the show” just isn’t quite as exciting as “Madonna’s on stage meltdown”.

Firstly, you simply cannot be “drunk” at a precision pop concert like Madonna’s.

The two hour event is choreographed to the millisecond. Any wrong move or wrong cue could result in a serious accident. Madonna needs to be physically on the right spot on the right cue to magically drop under the stage or swing over the crowd or — because it’s a Madonna concert — pole dance on a crucifix surrounded by nuns in lingerie.

Choreographed to the millisecond: Madonna on stage in Melbourne. (Pic: Adrian Prosen)

Yes, she’s very relaxed on this Australian leg of the tour. Maybe she’s easing into our laid-back culture. Or maybe she’s just unwinding as this is the final leg of the whole world tour and she knows what she’s doing after six months and 70-something Rebel Heart shows. Not to mention, of course, after a few decades as the most successful female touring artist on the globe and the only woman to make over a billion dollars in concert ticket sales.

As a music reviewer I’ve seen many phoned-in concerts (non-singer Britney Spears was the weakest link in her Circus tour; the last One Direction tour was so half-hearted it was no surprise they split up rather than tour together again) but Rebel Heart demonstrates that Madonna remains the hardest working pop star on the planet. She didn’t get to where she is by accident; she’s not from the famous-for-being-famous generation.

A glimpse of the comments posted on my Madonna reviews: “Withered old hag”, “Look at her face!”, “Maybe act a little more her age instead of trying to be in her 20s again”, “Is this tart still around” and the charming “Now you know why Rocco wants to live with his dad!!”

Comments on a review of the Tears of a Clown show said it was a “disgrace” she would make fans who’d paid good money wait for four hours. One problem: it was a free show. But then reading a story — or going to a concert — is never a requirement to leave a comment.

That “I need someone to look after me” quote the press has seized on as though she’s a lonely, single woman over 50? Maybe she does, although this comes from a woman travelling with a personal chef, a nutritionist, trainer, hair stylist, make-up artist, security team and two estheticians, whatever they are.

What she actually said was “I need someone to look after me’’ at the end of one of the most emotional moments in recent concert history. Madonna’s people contacted Molly Meldrum, her first champion in the media and, as she called him on stage, “the first man in Australia to fall in love with me”, offering him tickets to the show.

Madonna and Molly Meldrum, reunited. (Pic: Linda Freedman)

After looking after him backstage, Meldrum was ushered to strategic front row seats, surrounded by diehard Madonna fans who travel to every show around the globe.

Last Saturday she went off the setlist backstage to perform Take a Bow for Meldrum, a song she’s only done once before on the Rebel Heart tour.

“You’re standing in the middle of my biggest fans, you’re so lucky,” Madonna told Meldrum, who she knew had had a recent fall. “You take care of him, right? And you take care of yourself, you hear me? And will somebody please take care of me?”

That was it, a jokey aside. As was her “Someone please f--- me” remark, one of many sexually-charged jokes during all her shows that follows moments where she gets ‘married’ on stage or comments on the phallic shape of her catwalk.

Madonna has referenced sex from the get-go, it’s nothing new. But in an era of beige popstars (whatever you want to call Madonna, she’s never been boring) it makes for easy, lazy headlines.

Here's the full context of Madonna's "boozy slur" asking for "someone to take care of her" in Melbourne pic.twitter.com/0cRxA9RmnE

— cameron adams (@cameron_adams) March 14, 2016

The hip flask she gave Meldrum? Here’s a spoiler, Madonna haters: Meldrum said it contained water.

Imagine that — a performer using a prop in a concert.

There are tequila shots on stage, shared with her dancers, which may or may not be the real thing. Jimmy Barnes became a hero for polishing a bottle of vodka off during concerts. Female musicians are “drunks” if they have one shot. But rather than being a new addition to the show as she apparently publicly showcases the suffering over her estranged son, she’s done these shots in every show around the world, including when Rocco was on tour with her.

Sure, the clown stuff is odd. Seeing any A-list superstar doing something unexpected is strange. But as she told the Melbourne crowd on Saturday: “I had fun being a clown. I also had fun telling jokes.”

Who can begrudge Madonna having fun, especially when her private pain is public fodder right now?

It’s strange how Madonna’s gift to her patient Australian fans, Melbourne’s one-off Tears of a Clown show, has been used to crucify her as a hot mess.

Yes, she was four hours late on stage and fans queued in the rain. Not ideal, but those fans could also hear Madonna rehearsing until 11pm, before doors opened at midnight. It wasn’t like she was getting a manicure or watching Better Call Saul.

Yes, Madonna is regularly late. That is her thing. Some artists have heroin addictions or don’t show up to concerts at all. Her lateness is frustrating, but Madonna fans know she operates on Madonnatime.

On stage in Melbourne she revealed she goes to bed at 6am each morning, presumably staying on an international body clock to avoid jet lag. Or maybe she’s too wound up after coming off stage to sleep. Or staying on overseas time to conduct business. Who knows?

Causing a commotion: Madonna doesn’t seem to own a watch. (Pic: Graham Denholm/Getty Images)

While it’s annoying her Sunday night show finished at 12.30am, when public transport had stopped, the ticketing company had emailed fans warning them this was a possibility. Axl Rose and Rihanna are also notoriously late.

At least Madonna hasn’t short-changed anyone, still playing two hour shows. And one look at the production of Rebel Heart (and the dozens of trucks outside the venue transporting it around) shows fans where their money goes.

Back to that Tears of a Clown show. It was a free show, with tickets distributed through her fan club. For someone who’s spent decades rehearsing everything she’s done on stage to the tiniest detail, it was fascinating to see her mess up the start of songs and try something new — stand up comedy. The gags weren’t always winners, but hearing her tell tales from her life, including visiting Sean Penn in jail, was something special.

She also played songs she’s never performed live — essentially a two hour free concert as a thank you for waiting 23 years. She’s never done anything like it anywhere in the world.

“Everyone said how touched they were, how moved they were, I just let it all hang out, I was vulnerable, not like my big shows where everything’s perfect and choreographed, no mistakes and shit,” Madonna said at Rod Laver Arena on Saturday. “I only had two days to rehearse.”

Of course she spoke about Rocco at that Tears of a Clownshow, she probably felt in safe company surrounded by diehard fans. It’s obviously on her mind. She’s cancelled previous Australian tours to spend more time with her children, now she’s finally in Australia and her son is the pawn in a legal drama between herself and her ex husband.

Madonna pays tribute to Rocco in Melbourne. (Pic: Linda Freedman/AFG)

At her show on Sunday, when she came on stage at 10.30pm, she admitted to the audience she wasn’t having a great day and began the show in a bad mood — but performing soon cured that.

That’s the thing. A real trainwreck or meltdown would simply cancel the tour and go home. Or really hit the bottle or meds. But we know enough about Madonna after all this time to know she’s not that kind of person. The press aren’t going to get a car crash out of Madonna, even at her most vulnerable, no matter how they twist her words and actions.

This week Madonna has reminded a country which has been waiting 23 years exactly why she is worth waiting for, and why she is the most successful pop star on the planet. She created the blueprint for the modern pop concert.

Everyone from Kylie to Katy, who are surrounded by a gaggle of dancers and dividing their concerts into themes, is following her lead.

It’s just that Madonna does it better.

When the best pop star alive plays one of the best pop songs written - Madonna does Like A Prayer in Melbourne pic.twitter.com/bogVbKZfV6

— cameron adams (@cameron_adams) March 13, 2016

Originally published as The real story behind Madonna’s ‘meltdown’