The conundrum that destroys friendships: Should kids be welcome at weddings?

CONSIDERING kids require constant care, they’re not always the best wedding guests, writes Olivia Noakes. So why do some people find a ‘no kids’ rule so offensive?

Sunrise presenter Edwina Bartholomew said it’s a no-brainer that kids will be invited to her wedding with Neil Varcoe but not everyone has the same view. (Pic: Instagram)

ANYONE who knows me will tell you I ADORE KIDS (yes caps is necessary) but I’m getting married this year and the dreaded question has come up in multiple conversations: Do I want kids at my wedding? The answer for me is not as simple as you would think.

I’m blessed to be an aunty to six wonderful children — two girls and four boys ranging from two years of age to seven — and they are quite literally my favourite people in the world.

However, deciding whether to have them at my wedding has not only been a choice I haven’t taken lightly but one I believe every couple needs to sit down together and discuss at length.

Aunty Olivia with her nieces and nephews brood. (Pic: Supplied)

Kids require care, routine and usually have a strict bedtime — something that needs to be considered if it’s an evening wedding.

Sunrise presenter Edwina Bartholomew, who got engaged to long-term partner Neil Varcoe last month, told The Sunday Telegraph it was a no-brainer for them.

“We love kids and want everyone to bring them along. They often steal the show during the ceremony and I always find that very amusing,” she says.

I wholeheartedly agree with Edwina, they do often steal the show and I know mine will — they are simply adorable (bias much?). However, what about my sister (who’s also my maid of honour) and my brother along with their partners, do they want them there? Or do they also want the night free to let their hair down?

This brings me to a story about a friend of a friend of mine who had a strict no children rule at her evening wedding. After informing her bridal party of this decision a year out from the big day, questions began to be asked.

Three months before the wedding day a conversation was had, which ended in said bridesmaid saying she was bringing her child to the wedding — ceremony and reception — with no-one to assist her, while she was supposed to be a bridesmaid.

Hard to believe that’s even possible. So after back-and-forth messages between the two with multiple suggestions made and several work arounds refused, the bridesmaid duties were revoked and an invitation to simply attend (minus the child) was extended. However, the invite was not accepted and it’s now safe to say the friendship is done and dusted.

Child, while you were wonderful in your wedding ceremony duties, it’s now time for you to go to bed before the party gets started. (Pic: iStock)

So, as you can see, this simple question can cause quite a significant amount of controversy.

There are your feelings to consider as the bride and groom, the parents of the children and also whether different rules apply when it’s a destination wedding. There’s a substantial amount to consider.

But in order to keep faith, may I suggest, no matter what your personal opinion, if you’ve been invited to a wedding, don’t think you can make the rules. It’s not your day, you’re a guest and should be happy to honour the wishes of the two people you’re there to celebrate.

And in case you wondered what decision my fiance and I have come to… My beautiful nieces and nephews will all take part in our ceremony, walking down the aisle together. My eldest niece, Annabelle, even wants to write and recite her own reading.

However, when the lights dim down and the champagne starts flowing it’ll be straight to bed and babysitters so the entire bridal party, which includes my sister and fellow guests can really kick back and enjoy the festivities.

Originally published as The conundrum that destroys friendships: Should kids be welcome at weddings?