I love you Sophie. But can we talk about the men?

I WAS no Bachelor or Bachelorette fan, but Sophie Monk had me at “I’m a massive bogan”. Sadly, none of the blokes are worthy of her, writes Colin Vickery.

YOU had me at hello. That was what I wanted to say to Sophie Monk while I was watching The Bachelorette Australia.

Never has a reality show contestant, with the possible exception of Sam Frost, melted the hearts of Aussie TV viewers quite so quickly.

I reckon it took about two minutes for the former Bardot singer to win me over — right about when she said “I know I’m not your typical Bachelorette. I’m a massive bogan”.

When Monk followed that with: “I really hope Australia understands that I really want to find something genuine and backs me on this and don’t think I’m a tool,” I had fully melted.

Sophie’s brutal honesty, self-deprecating humour and sheer depth of feeling had me blindsided. I was putty.

And that is saying something because up until now watching The Bachelor or The Bachelorette has been the equivalent of waterboarding for me — an unspeakable torture I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

The Bachelorette Australia Season 3 has served up some questionable men for the loveable Sophie Monk to date. (Pic: Channel 10)

But can we talk about the men? I have some serious issues with the guys that the producers have picked to woo the 37-year-old blonde beauty.

Apollo the magician was fun turning a napkin into a rose but, at a mere 24, probably isn’t going to go the distance.

Jarrod’s decision to get Sophie pressing grapes was creative but the more he banged on about running a vineyard the less I liked him.

Eden, 33, a scaffolder from Perth, looked like he was doing an Ali G impression with the gold chains and tracksuit.

Jourdan with the homemade blindfold was just plain creepy.

Sam, with his man-bun, charmed at the start wrangling his three young nephews as wingmen. But it wasn’t long before the 31-year-old voiceover artist — clearly having downed too many sherbets — was doing an underpants run.

I didn’t know whether I was watching The Bachelorette or an end-of-season footy trip.

I can’t remember the name of the bloke who strapped on a guitar and sang — oh that’s right it was Mackane — but I wouldn’t throw him 10 cents if he was busking.

And is it right to put the words “Blake” and “tosser” in the same sentence? “I’m pretty confident I can buy whatever I want”, “my parents have given me pretty good genes” and “I’m only going to date and marry a hot girl” — yep, I reckon I can.

But it was Ryan, the 26-year-old construction manager originally from New Zealand, who had me really worried. He was way too aggressive in his quizzing of Sophie’s motives.

Ryan had crazy eyes — as in “Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction crazy eyes” — and I’m thinking “male bunny boiler”.

I hope for Sophie’s sake that I missed a nice, genuine guy among the rabble. I am, as they say, now “totally invested in her journey”.

Sophie has totally charmed me. I want her to find love and I’ll be watching The Bachelorette to see who wins her heart. You go girl!

Colin Vickery is a News Corp TV writer.