Confessions of an office Christmas party DJ
As party aficionados, DJs always want you to have a good time. But heckling us to play Pitbull songs and hurling abuse when John Farnham comes on just isn’t cool, writes Mikey Cahill.
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Work. Christmas. Party.
I can see you half cringing, half grinning. Without fail, those three words bring out the best and worst in humanity each year.
For every perfectly executed five course meal and irreverent but moving speech by your boss there’s always at least one incident involving the office ‘David Brent meets Kerri-Anne Kennerley defender’ that no one wants to talk about on Monday morning. But at least we can all agree on one thing: the music has to be great.
Having DJed at weddings, Christmas parties and just about every other celebration you can imagine for 20 years, I’ve seen the best and worst of people wanting to party. I’ve seen office wallflowers become dancefloor gods; I’ve seen general managers go arse over tit.
Canadian DJ Tiga once said being a DJ is like being a comedian, and it’s true. You both get heckled. Some nights you kill it. Other nights you die.
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So how do you tackle this year’s Work Christmas Party, get your song played and the dance floor going?
Let’s set the scene. It’s 7pm and you’ve arrived at the venue trying not to make eye contact with the person you snogged at last year’s blow out.
The DJ is playing some lightly fragranced French disco and midtempo Aussie classics to build the mood. Do you a) give the DJ a wink and thumbs up; b) glide onto the dancefloor for a brief shoulder shimmy to foreshadow your intentions; c) immediately approach the DJ and demand they “play N*Sync, it’s my jam.”
If you answered a and b then you’re on the right track. If you answered c, we’re off to a bad start. Sound far fetched? Afraid not.
The example given in option c actually happened to me a month ago. A woman we’ll call Erin (because that’s her real name) requested a song from her favourite boy band in those exact words.
“Too early,” I told her.
She then challenged me to a fight.
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Unfortunately, this kind of interaction is all too common.
DJs know you want to hear pop classics and old school hip hop. We all do. But there’s a pace to these things and if you rush it before your colleagues have lost their inhibitions, a DJ will quickly lose the dancefloor. Come the end of another year, dancing shouldn’t feel like work.
As a DJ, there are a few tunes that I break out in case of emergency: Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani, Happy by Pharrell Williams, Love Shack by The B52s, Gimme Gimme by ABBA and any Madonna or Justin Timberlake.
As the night wears on these are the following songs you should request: Valerie by Amy Winehouse, Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston, Le Freak by Chic and at least one AC/DC track to keep the rock’n’roll fans happy.
Uptown Funk feat. Bruno Mars by Mark Ronson works mixed into Downtown by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis and the banger of the year, Dance Monkey by Tones and I.
Requesting a slow song after 9pm is a no-no unless it’s You’re The Voice by John Farnham or our national anthem, The Horses by Daryl Braithwaite.
Once the dancefloor is in full swing it’s best to trust the DJ’s selections. Don’t love a song they’re playing? Just wait four minutes and another one will be on.
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It’s easy for a DJ to play really cheesy stuff, but a great DJ will throw a few of those in over the course of six hours among unexpected classics that will surprise you.
More importantly, don’t be the person at the party shouting “Next!” when a song comes on. Don’t make a cut-the-track signal with your index finger across your neck, either. It looks incredibly threatening and won’t endear you to the person in charge of the music.
Instead, try coming up to the side of the decks, waiting until the DJ has mixed in a track and say something along the lines of, ‘You’re doing a great job! I love All I Want For Christmas by Mariah Carey! Can I please request a song?’ Then, and this is very important, allow the DJ to reply. If they seem open to the idea then can you request Get Lucky by Daft Punk.
If the DJ doesn’t honour your request maybe it’s time to rethink your taste in music, Erin. If they do, though, for Christ’s sake go and dance to it and leave them alone for an hour.
Don’t be a Christmas party punisher.