‘Australia’s coronavirus isolation laws are easing, but I’m not ready to adjust’
COVID-19 offers parents a once-in-a-lifetime do over. And now that I’ve had it, I don’t want to go back to the rushed, distracted, outsourced ways our hectic lives dictated before, writes Darren Levin.
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As Prime Minister Scott Morrison contemplates a national loosening of restrictions, I’m starting to wonder what life will be like on the other side of this pandemic.
I live in Victoria so I don’t anticipate that happening until 2026, but it’s still nice to dream about Dan Andrews possibly deciding to let us have outdoor boot camps or socially distant house parties with temperature checks on entry and strictly four square metres between guests who must be family.
When we emerge from lockdown will our supermarket check-outs still look like the salad bar at a suburban Sizzler circa 1995? And will we still need to wash our hands to the tune of ‘Happy Birthday’, and then do it eight more times because we all watched that YouTube video and a speck of corona may be wedged like glitter under our pinky?
With the curve flattened like a schnitzel and the worst hopefully behind us (don’t @ me about a “second wave”) we’re starting to imagine a new life after lockdown. And I’m not sure I’m ready for it, or even want it that badly.
As much as I’d like my kids to be back at school – OH GOD HOW I WANT THEM BACK AT SCHOOL – this is a unique moment for our family and I want to embrace if before things go back to a socially distant new normal.
In pre-corona times, so much of our parenting was outsourced. To principals. To teachers. To swimming and baby pilates instructors. To our own parents. To Netflix, Stan, Disney+ and ABC iView.
The only glimpse we’d get into how our kids’ learning would be the 15 minutes of homework they’d maybe do as a trade-off for ice-cream each night. And even then we’d mindlessly whiz through it while distracted by the torrent of messages popping off in our fantasy football WhatsApp.
Now we’re being exposed to the way our kids learn, our teachers’ methods and their frustrations when they eventually wander off six minutes into their sight words task. Sidenote: teachers don’t get paid nearly enough.
Last week I played Monopoly with our nine-year-old daughter and it was the most fun I’ve had on a Saturday night since that one time I drank a negroni in an actual real-life bar.
As she plunged me deeper and deeper into bankruptcy, I started to wonder whether we’d be doing this post-COVID. Would we still spend Saturday afternoons watching the Mighty Ducks trilogy and re-runs of famous Hawthorn footy club victories? Would we still go for midday bike rides on Wednesdays and eat a home-cooked dinner at the table each night like they used to do in ‘90s sitcoms? Or would we go back to a life of frantic school drop-offs, relentless activities and birthday party smalltalk with parents we only vaguely know at bacteria-riddled trampoline centres?
COVID-19 presents a once-in-a-century moment to remake ourselves as parents, but the worst thing we could do is lapse into the rushed, distracted, outsourced parenting default our hectic lives dictated in a not-too-distant past.
As the curve continues to squash and taskforces are mobilised to figure out how to get Australia out from under the doona – as ScoMo so memorably put it – let’s embrace this slowed-down, hyper-involved, mindful style of pandemic parenting. Because, let’s be honest, the second this is over they’re getting shipped off to their grandparents.
Darren Levin a columnist for RendezView.com.au