Australia, it’s time to shut the hell up

NO matter how hard you try, there is no justification for having a long, loud phone call during peak-hour on public transport. So why are so many people doing it, asks Jim Mitchell.

WHEN it comes to selfishness, look no further than noise pollution.

Excessive, aggressive noise, driven by selfishness, is invading our personal space, privacy, and liberty.

Recently, on a suburban train platform, a young boy near me called out, “Don’t kill me! Don’t kill me!”

But I just ignored him and walked away.

Now, before you throw your arms up, he wasn’t in any mortal danger, only the virtual kind from some entity in his video game. It was blaring and his father didn’t seem at all concerned about the racket this digital babysitter was making as his son sat himself next to me. I could have endured it, said something, or left. I chose to leave. I’m so sick of this kind of obnoxious noise intrusion, I’d rather find peace elsewhere.

Another time, on the same train platform, a man came and sat near me, aggressively cursing his spilt coffee. He then abused me for extracting myself from the situation. HE was affronted that I wouldn’t politely hold myself captive to his caffeine tantrum.

But some of the most blatant sonic selfishness happens inside public transport.

Unless you’re hard of hearing, or can’t work out how to turn it down, there’s absolutely no reason to have the volume of your mobile ringtone set so high — or on “air raid” as I call it. But no one wants to risk missing that all-important phone call, especially as they rifle through their pockets and handbags as the repetitive soundboarding ascends.

It’s telling that one study found the only noise more annoying to people than a ringtone is a dentist’s drill. It equated the sonic power of many ringtones to that of acoustic alarm signals like horns and fire alarms.

Try as you might, there’s no excuse for listening to music or watching videos without headphones in. Picture: iStock

Also infuriating is that people think it’s fine to let all manner of other enduring smartphone farts rip — from videos to video calls, games to gabbing on speaker, text pings to tweets — for our collective enjoyment as we travel. Everyone’s doing it, so why bother being considerate of others?

And don’t get me started on the loud-talkers and oversharers. My eardrums die a little inside at every verbal assault.

Now of course, I could just pop on some noise-cancelling headphones and be done with it.

After all, when you’re in public you have to accept things could get noisy. But that’s not the point — just because you’re in public doesn’t mean decency should be thrown out the window.

But decency can be aggravatingly deficient in the soundscape of private spaces too. Anyone who has had to endure noisy neighbours will understand the level of stress it can induce. A Danish study published in May looked at the effect of neighbour noise on inhabitants of multistorey housing in Denmark, finding that those “very annoyed” by the disruption were 2.3 times more likely to have poor mental health than those who weren’t annoyed. They were 2.8 times more likely to experience high stress levels.

I’ve experienced noise from neighbours that literally fills me with dread, and makes my body tense up. So loud were their voices when outside, it’s clear they had absolutely no consideration for anyone beyond their boundary.

One Saturday night as the family entertained friends, the daughter squealed in alternating glee and discontent for half an hour as she ran with a screaming rabble of kids around their backyard. Where were the adults? Presumably inside enjoying a quiet drink and a chat with the door closed. They sure as hell weren’t concerned by the blackboard-scratching ruckus happening outside.

Public transport is wild enough without loud talkers and Facetimers. Picture: iStock

Another Saturday morning, I was woken by the daughter and a friend yelling at the top of their voices — at 6:45am. Where were the parents? Presumably enjoying a nice sleep in with the door closed.

And oh, how I love the “ear bleed double”! That’s squealing in concert with the leaf blower on fullbore.

You might say, “kids will be kids” but that has its limit — about that of a little banshee screeching for half an hour. It’s part of a malaise where some parents become desensitised to the noise of their children, or just plain ignore it. If they’re not bothered by it, no one is.

Less disturbing than the squealing, but just as annoying, was the groaning and grunting of the parents on early mornings and later evenings. And outside no less! But they weren’t having sex — they were having personal training sessions. I could literally hear the sweat.

So maybe I’ll take myself off to the movies for some solace from selfish noise? Not bloody likely. There was a time when there was a modicum of respect shown to fellow moviegoers, but now the experience can fill me with a creeping paranoia, and for good reason. There’s a high chance there’ll be audience members talking incessantly, mobiles will ring and ping, and junk food crinkling and chomping will all become unwelcome additions to the soundtrack. It’s like mainlining aggravation to the inner ear.

What all these examples tell us, is that when people are carelessly and needlessly noisy, they’re conveying that their wellbeing is more important than everyone else’s.

Noise pollution on an individual level isn’t hard to reduce if we choose not to be selfish.

Australia, it’s time to shut the hell up.

@realjimmitchell