A breakup letter to the Samsung Galaxy Note7

Dear Samsung, I’d been with other Notes before, but you were different, more capable, filled with the promise of adventure, and new experiences. And then you showed your flammable side.

Dear Samsung Note7,

From the moment you looked into my eyes — my irises to be precise — I knew you were special.

I’d been with other Notes before, but you were different, more capable, filled with the promise of adventure, and new experiences. It didn’t hurt that you were bright, bronzed, and devilishly good-looking.

Ours was a potentially fiery relationship, though, and I just don’t think we can go on together.

It’s something I have to do for me right now. I just don’t feel safe around you any longer.

I honestly thought we had a long future. I saw us spending at least 24 months in constant contact.

Samsung Galaxy Note7 smartphones... so sexy, so much potential, but oh, so flawed. (Pic: AP)

You were the last thing I saw before I went to sleep at night, the first I reached for each morning. It was all I could do to stop myself from caressing you in the car.

Already, I miss the way you looked into my pupils, scanning for identifying features, and your devil-may-care approach to watersports and long walks on the beach in bad weather.

I miss your love of speed, and your capability. I could throw anything at you — vast collections of emails, racing games, or even asking you to identify love songs on the fly — and you would respond in record time.

Your love of animated gifs and streaming video is legendary, your penmanship is unrivalled, and your photography skills advanced. No matter where we were, or what we were doing, you could snap a photo in mere seconds, capturing the moment completely.

And you remembered so much about our time together. It was as if you were able to document each moment, each message, each photo and video without forgetting a thing. My ex-partner just couldn’t match your memory.

The Samsung Note7 has become well known for its undesirable explosive side. (Pic: AFP)

All these amazing traits make leaving you so hard. I really struggled with this decision and want you to know I thought about it for a long time. Even when others said you were bad for me, that you had a hot temper, that you could just blow off smoke at any moment and I should send you away, I didn’t believe them.

You were a bad boy but I thought you could change. Recalling that time you went away to your parents, I thought you’d return different. I thought we still had a chance.

Now I see I just can’t trust you. The flames of our love need to be extinguished for my health. I fear you may erupt at any moment, and detonate any chances of a future friendship.

I truly hope you work out your personal problems, because they’re damaging your reputation and your popularity.

You really need to take a good look inside yourself, and be honest with your friends about what’s gone wrong. Covering up your problems will just make them worse.

There might still be a chance for us in future — this is not goodbye forever — but you will have to change and prove you’ve changed. You will need to evolve. You can’t just show up at my door with a fresh look and the same behaviour.

In the meantime, I think we should see other people. New relationships might not have the same spark, but perhaps that’s best.

Your future friend,

Jen

Originally published as A breakup letter to the Samsung Galaxy Note7