12 things that matter more than Year 12 results
AS my daughter finishes school, she’ll get a number that she’s been led to believe will determine her future. But some actions will enrich her life far beyond that measure, writes Angela Mollard.
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DARLING girl,
A few weeks from now you will be given a number. A number that sums up all your years of schooling. A number you may think is a measure of who you are. A number you’ve been led to believe will determine what happens next.
As I see you studying during your final exams I’m so proud of your effort but I need you to know this: you are not a number. You are colours — all of them — and light, and energy, and every season and all sorts of weather, including electrical storms. You’re a novel and a sonnet and a dozen love songs but I’ll stop there because, as you’ll tell me, you can overdo a metaphor. But you are not a number.
The truth is, you’ve become an adult without me noticing. It was only this week as I dropped you off for your maths exam and noticed how you’ve become a grown-up in a child’s school uniform, that I realised how much of your life has been measured by numbers. Your age, baby weight, class, NAPLAN results, height, school rank, bus route, the “9” on your soccer shirt. You’re only 18 but you’ve been measured within an inch of your life — which, incidentally, is 2.54cm but you doubtless know that.
Sweetheart, the numbers never stop — how much you weigh, your earnings, calories eaten, kilometres walked, postcodes, tax returns, breast size — but they rarely mean anything. Rather, it’s words and actions that will enrich your life. So, as you sat your maths exam — more numbers! — I jotted down some things that will matter more than any number slapped on your forehead. I’d have texted them to you but you’d have only replied with helicopter emojis.
Don’t feel you have to be the “cool girl”. What is a cool girl anyway? You want to be a warm girl, someone people gravitate to because you’re loyal and gracious and not going to dump them because a better offer comes along. Be a lighthouse — solid and shining.
Have a theme song. It’ll change over the years but it’s important to have a few lyrics you can call on when everything goes wrong or you just want to remind yourself what matters. Joan Jett singing The Mary Tyler Moore Show theme song Love Is All Around never fails to remind me: “You’re gonna make it after all.”
Debt is a tax on impatience. If you want something, wait until you can afford it. Except houses. Don’t “invest” in handbags — you want to live your life, not carry it around in some overpriced chunk of designer leather.
Switch your mindset. Learn to spread optimism on your days as easily as you spread vegemite on your toast. Turia Pitt, who has every excuse to be antsy with the world, lives most days with delight. When she was breastfeeding in the middle of the night, she switched her thinking from “I have to do this” to “I get to do this”. Legend.
Don’t choose your partners on the basis of their wealth or status. It’s better to be happy on a bicycle than miserable in a Ferrari.
Travel alone. It’s confronting, but strange and wonderful things happen when you rely on yourself. One of the best weekends of my life was alone in Rome, wandering the streets, absorbing city life and imagining I was part of some self-devised La Dolce Vita. Remember Marina Abramovic — the crazy performance artist you studied? She reminds us to notice the “in-between” spaces — the bus stations, trains, waiting rooms and airports because, as she says, you “you are open to everything and anything can happen”.
Eggs. Did I tell you the rules about eggs? They’re the basis of all the best stuff — custard, meringues, omelettes — but they have to be at room temperature for baking cakes and you can’t get even a speck of yolk in the whites if you want to whip them to firm peaks.
Your body does not have “problem areas”. Nor is it necessary for you to spend two months before a holiday getting “bikini ready”. Being “bikini ready” involves putting on a bikini, grabbing a towel and going for a swim. Likewise, those memes telling you you’re beautiful, strong and independent. As my friend Lana says: “You don’t have to believe them. It’s okay if you aren’t beautiful, sometimes you aren’t strong and some days you need to depend on people.”
Ask questions. Being interested in another person gives them value and you knowledge.
Don’t hesitate. If you’re lucky enough to live a long life, you won’t recall the moments you spent wondering but the ones you spent doing. You don’t have to wait for permission or inspiration or a “sign”. Do stuff simply because you can. Plenty can’t.
But don’t worry about FOMOMG — fear of missing out (on) my goals. You don’t have to be a millionaire by 30 or have scaled the seven summits by 35 (those numbers again!).
You know you can hold your own hand? Sounds daft and it won’t necessarily ease the moments of loneliness we all have but it’ll remind you that you can take care of yourself.
Get a dog. I know you always wanted one and I’m sorry we didn’t.
Originally published as 12 things that matter more than Year 12 results
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