Victoria Hannaford: The celebrities we need in the apocalypse

THE end is nigh. Possibly. And even if it isn’t, it’s still essential to assemble your crack celebrity team in preparation for doomsday, writes Victoria Hannaford.

IF this latest season of The Celebrity Apprentice doesn’t work out — you know, the one starring Kim and Trump’s hairdos, er, I mean, bromance — then we all need to be prepared.

That means having an apocalypse team already formed for the end of days. Of course, you should consider friends and family but, really, if it is armageddon, instinct will only lead to a Top Gun approach: the best of the best.

If jamming something full of celebs works for the Marvel movie franchise, then it’s clearly the way to go when it comes to the ultimate test of survival.

Sure, the mega-rich tech nerds have their apocalypse bunkers in New Zealand, but that doesn’t mean the world’s non-billionaires can’t dream of which celebrities would form a crack team of survivors in the event of a zombie/nuclear/climate/alien apocalypse (see, choosing your favourite doomsday is already fun!).

Obviously, you need someone who can entertain. That means multi-threat Rihanna, whose latest turn in Oceans 8 is just another feather in the cap for the actor, singer and makeup mogul. Plus, she’s fierce. In a Tyra Banks way, but also in the sense that could possibly scare off zombies.

Who wouldn’t want to spend their last days with the Queer Eye guys? They’d sort everything out. (Pic: James Croucher)

And then there’s Gal Gadot, because she’s Wonder Woman.

Obviously there needs to be room in the team for a decoy type. So a non-celeb exception could be made for that loud, annoying person in the office who always shouts down the phone — and if the zombies ever get really close, they can be the, er, canary in the coalmine.

The latest incarnation of the Fab 5 from Netflix’s Queer Eye would form their own sub division, because they would sort out your issues, make over the bunker and whip up a comforting mac and cheese from whatever’s left in the rations in a jiffy.

And Elon Musk gets a spot. He probably already has the keys to Richard Branson’s joint on Necker Island, which is obviously the preferred place to while away the last days. Also it’s probably his fault the apocalypse happened in the first place, so best to keep your enemies close.

Failing that, he’d be able to figure out the quickest way to a new planet so we can all start prepping for the next apocalypse — on Mars.

Originally published as Victoria Hannaford: The celebrities we need in the apocalypse