Sex positivity makes room to openly discuss wants and needs

‘Satisfying and safe’: Experts bust the taboo around sex, with a healthy sex life looking different to every person. Here’s what three Tassie experts had to say about it.

Exploring needs and wants leads to a more satisfying sex life, according to local experts.

Sexual wellbeing can encompass many things, and on Valentine’s Day, it’s a time to reflect on what makes your sex life truly satisfying.

Experts say a healthy sex life is completely dependent on the individual’s needs.

The Bubble, a women’s health clinic, director Dr Natasha Vavrek said everyone deserves a satisfying sex life.

“It’s about having a really satisfying but also really safe sexual experience,” she said.

“An experience free from coercion, also free from pain and discomfort.”

Sexual wellbeing can tie into a person’s emotional, mental and physical health, Adult Shop Launceston manager Rebecca Cooke said.

“It’s exploring your own sexual health needs and wants,” she said.

“It’s important to be sex positive, it can improve every part of your life. I’ve had lots of couples and singles tell me their mental health has improved from getting in touch with their sexual wellbeing.”

Ms Cooke said her shop was about information, so people can feel free to ask questions and gain knowledge.

“It seems a daunting prospect but once people come in, they realise it’s just a normal part of life,” she said.

“It’s not a dirty situation, it’s something that does help you – whether you’re single or have a partner.”

Dr Vavrek said confidence was a large part of a person’s sex life.

“We need confidence in ourselves to have a healthy sex life,” she said.

“If we are simply going through the motions or pretending for the sake of it, then we’re not going to have a satisfying and pleasurable sex life.”

A “normal” sex life varies, Dr Vavrek said.

Dr Natasha Vavrek who has won the Tasmania Award for Excellence in Women's Leadership.

“Everybody is normal when it comes to their wants and needs,” she said.

“It’s about exploring and understanding that.”

Having open and healthy conversations around sex and what sex lives can look like for each person can reduce harmful behaviours as well, a Family Planning Tasmania nurse said.

Amanda Duncan, works in family planning and is studying sexology, said a healthy sex life can often be skewed by what’s seen in the media which is why open communication and sex positivity was needed.

“It’s important to have these conversations so that we can discuss what safe sex looks like,” she said.

“First and foremost, it’s really important to understand consent and what enthusiastic consent is, and then what is potentially coercive control. It’s really important to have realistic expectations around what sex can look like.”

Having these conversations can make people aware of any challenges around pelvic pain or erectile challenges, and also concern around harmful sexual behaviours and find support, Miss Duncan said.

Experts say communication is critical for a healthy sex life.

Dr Vavrek said removing the taboo of openly discussing sex is also important to set boundaries.

“Being able to talk about safe sex is really important, in particular for our youth that are starting to embark on sexual experiences, because consent and communication is so important, not only for gaining that confidence and connection, but to ensure that we are in a safe space,” she said.

Dr Vavrek said now more and more women are more open discussing issues, including physical health issues around sex.

“It’s no longer a matter of women thinking there is something wrong with me, or my GP might shame me,” she said.

“There’s certainly no shame in any of that. Everybody is different in terms of their sex life and we need to understand that and we just need to help them on that journey to ensure that we can support them with their overall health.”

Originally published as Sex positivity makes room to openly discuss wants and needs