‘Nothing is off limits’: Inside the wild, saucy lives of Brisbane swingers

They look like an ordinary couple and have been married for 30 years. But when the lights go out, the heat is turned up and they begin to ‘play’. Go inside this Brisbane swinger couple’s wild world. Warning: This isn’t for the faint-hearted.

They look like an ordinary couple.

Barb is a fitness instructor and Craig is in construction. They’re in their 50s, have been married for over 30 years and have children and grandchildren.

Life from the outside looks pretty normal.

But when the lights go out, it is anything but.

Their other lives emerge, the heat is turned up and they begin to ‘play’.

The Brisbane couple have been swingers for 25 years, openly swapping partners and going to provocative parties to have passionate sex with strangers.

Barb takes us inside the world of a swinger and this story comes with a warning, nothing is off limits.

“Not many people can get their head around it,” jokes Barb of her lifestyle, explaining why its for her.

“I don’t think I ever would have been suited to just one person, I don’t think I would have stayed in the relationship as long if I didn’t get to do this and it’s not because I don’t love him, it’s because I get bored easily and those new encounters keep it fresh.”

Barb and Craig, which aren’t their real names, have been in an open relationship for 25 years. They got into the scene after a friend asked Barb to fill in for her working at a swingers club one night.

A Brisbane couple has dished on their life as a swinger.

Her husband’s interest was also piqued.

“I had initially gone for work and then he asked me how that was and then said, ‘well, I want to go’.

“We both went and then we asked each other, ‘should we continue?’”

Their relationship was the first one in their lives to be open and initially there were rules.

They couldn’t kiss others and had to ask each other’s permission before doing anything with anyone.

But now Barb says the rules are more lax, they only have to discuss everything with each other after the fact.

“I preferred him not to kiss and the emotional things like that, but there are no rules now, that shifted maybe 15 years ago.

“I get to chat to him about it and that turns him on and turns me on and we’re getting excited about it which makes our relationship work.”

Barb appreciates it’s not a lifestyle for everyone. She’s in it purely for physical reasons.

“I know my husband doesn’t get emotionally attached to people, once I realised that, that’s when the jealousy disappeared and it is literally just having fun.”

It has become so ordinary in their relationship, Barb says, that she invites people over to their home while her husband sits on the couch.

“My hubby has no jealous bone and is happy for people to come to our home,” she says.

“He’s happy to sit and watch sport on the couch and have me upstairs doing my thing, it doesn’t worry him.

“He’ll be watching sport and say, ‘you’re bored, get someone over so I can keep watching the football or cricket’,” Barb says with a laugh.

“It used to make me giggle.”

Barb says she’s slept with thousands of people.

Barb has lost count of the number of people she’s slept with but says it’s “thousands” recounting one of her busiest periods where she slept with 150 different people in three months.

The frequency can range from having sex once a week to up to 10 times (with four or five different people, she says.)

As for her husband, he’s less active and ‘plays’ once a month and usually at a club, “my sex drive is much higher than his,” says Barb.

It’s a busy schedule but her insatiable appetite for intimacy still allows for a healthy sex life with her husband.

The swinging scene is thriving, according to LoveX (formerly Sexpo) event manager Belinda Gavin, a swinger herself, who says the stereotypes have shifted.

“There is a lot of beautiful people, a lot of different shapes, sizes and people of different ages,” she says.

“It used to be considered an older people thing, maybe in their 50s, but this is not the case anymore, there’s people in their 30s and even younger.”

Gavin, 52, has been in monogamous relationships and married three times but that life wasn’t for her. She’s been a swinger for 20 years but is currently single and loving it.

She’s seen it all, with partners and by herself, either swapping partners, getting intimate with married men and women and more.

When in a relationship, however, there were rules; no penetration and no passionate kisses.

“We would play with girls and guys … we would have sex together in the same room … girls would give my partner blow jobs, I gave her husband a blow job.”

LoveX event manager Belinda Gavin

Now as a single woman, however, Gavin, formerly of the Gold Coast and now based in Melbourne, is in it for enjoyment.

“If I go to my swingers club, I know that everybody is going to be up for it,” she says.

“Everyone is happy, nobody’s giving you pressure and you don’t do anything you don’t want to do. I would go into a swingers club and I know I can get laid.”

Generally, Gavin says, to attend swinger clubs or parties you have to be in a couple or a single female, no single males. And clothes are definitely optional.

“I’ve been to a big event here in Melbourne where you go in and you have to take your clothes off and put them in a plastic bag,” she says.

“If you have clothes on, you’re out of place.”

Gavin, a nudist, shares one of her more X-rated club memories with a Swedish Playboy model.

“She came up and gave me a big kiss on the mouth, all I could taste was pussy and cocaine and I loved it.”

Swingers clubs are dotted around the state but among the biggest, says Gavin, is Chateau Vino Swingers Club on the Gold Coast.

Outside, it’s in an industrial space and it could be an average bar but Gavin takes us inside.

“There’s an amazing dancefloor with poles in the middle, there’s girls already in underwear dancing on the pole, there’s a pool table and there’s a bar area, it all looks quite normal up to this point,” she says.

“Then you walk into the rooms, some of the rooms are just bedrooms, bedrooms have got toys, there are condoms and lube all over the place and in every room so you can just grab a condom and get to work.”

Then, she says, the further down you go in the multi level club, the kinkier it gets with playrooms on the basement.

“There’s a paddling room, a gangbang room, a mirrored room, a red room, small room and big room, it’s a maze of rooms, there’s a swing, and people can be paddled and punished,” she says.

“I’m pretty open minded and I’m very non-judgemental but sometimes there are things that make me blush, I think the gang bang for me.

“I’ve seen a room with about 12 people all having sex.”

It’s not for the faint of heart but it’s a world that is kept safe, says Gavin.

“In a lot of these clubs there’s consent reminders on the walls.

“It’s being aware of your surroundings, setting your boundaries, learning how to say ‘no’ and learning to ask for what you want and communicating.”

Gavin has attended swinger’s parties on camping sites, across the country and overseas with some so exclusive they cost $10,000 to get in, like Sanctum in the United States, says Gavin.

It takes particular people to be into this world, she says, but there are non-negotiables.

“When you’re swinging, you’ve got to have open communication, you’ve got to trust, you’ve got to learn these things within your relationship,” she says.

“It’s learning to work within the relationship you have and what are your boundaries.”

Being safe is the biggest priority, says Gavin, as is consent and having boundaries. And as she shares her tales, she wants people to have an open mind.

“We want to give them a taste of what life can be like and maybe get their brain unwound,” says Gavin.

“It is so good for your ego … people are so accepting, gracious and complimentary, you can be yourself and you don’t feel judged.”

Originally published as ‘Nothing is off limits’: Inside the wild, saucy lives of Brisbane swingers