Dear Melissa: Ask your burning relationship questions now

Trust is key to every relationship but what happens when your significant other makes an embarrassing and costly mistake? Expert Melissa Ferrari has the answers.

Melissa Ferrari has helped countless couples resolve issues in their relationships.

A woman who made an embarrassing mistake after falling victim to a common scam is grappling how on earth she will break the news to her husband.

Relationship expert Melissa Ferrari weighs in on the situation.

Scroll down to send in your questions.

HOW DO I TELL HIM?

Communication is the key to a solid relationship.

Dear Melissa

I was trying to snag an iPhone 16 for a really good price from a site that looked totally legit. Everything seemed fine until I saw the charge that came out of my credit card was way more than expected. Now I’m freaking out about how to tell my husband. I’m pretty sure I can cancel that transaction, but I just feel so stupid. Could I get some advice?

Melissa’s response

How we spend money is one of the main areas of conflict couples can face in a relationship.

When one partner makes a significant purchase without telling the other, it can be seen as a breach of trust and a serious betrayal.

How your husband reacts will depend on how he views money, in this case if you can cancel the purchase and share your story as a ‘close call’ then that should hopefully temper the response.

One thing I advise couples to do in their relationship when it comes to money is to create agreements around how much we can spend on a purchase before the spending becomes a joint decision.

The most important thing about these agreements is that you both stick to them. If you don’t, then breaking such an agreement will make the breach of trust even more serious.

So, the best advice I can give, is to be honest and explain what happened when you purchased the iPhone and once resolved, sit down and come to an agreement on how you will spend money in your relationship.

WHY DID HE DO THIS TO US?

Being honest with your partner is essential to a healthy relationship. Picture: iStock

Dear Melissa

My husband just up and quit his job without a word to me. We’ve been together for 10 years, and I’m trying to figure out how to sit him down and ask why he’d do this without talking to me first, we communicate about everything. Do I just come right out and ask what’s going on, or try to ease into it?

Melissa’s response

This is something that you need to navigate delicately, as making such a significant life decision without consulting the closest person in their life is very unusual and suggests that there may be something more going on with your husband emotionally.

It is a topic you do need to approach, so do so gently and remind him that as a couple you are a two-party system, there to have each other’s back and support each other.

In a relationship we should not make major life decisions without first consulting and then coming to agreement with each other – to not do so has the potential to put the relationship at great risk.

Given that there may be some deeper issues at play here that requires sensitivity to address, I would also recommend that you seek the support of a qualified relationship counsellor – someone that you are both comfortable with.

They can help you work on your emotional connection and communication – yes, I know you said that you both ‘communicate about everything’, however this has not happened in this case, which is something you need to explore together.

Outside influence, or what I like to call the management of thirds, can impact all relationships.

Melissa Ferrari. Picture: Kirsten Flavell

Sometimes that can be from family, friends and at times work and to manage these outside pressures we need to be communicating openly and honestly with each other on how we are feeling and then supporting each other where we need.

Right now, your husband needs support, but he also must understand it is equally important that he is open and honest with you as to how he is feeling – then together you can navigate the path forward for an emotionally connected relationship.

Melissa is one of Australia’s most sought-after relationship therapists with over 25 years’ experience in couples counselling and individual psychotherapy. Specialising in the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), Melissa provides intensive sessions with practical, personalised feedback, through which she helps individuals and couples to make savvy relationship choices.

Originally published as Dear Melissa: Ask your burning relationship questions now