Tom Elliott: If we dump Australia Day, why not abolish all public holidays?

IT’S vital these days that no one is outraged so, sure, dump Australia Day. But don’t forget our other horrible holidays, writes Tom Elliott.

Australia Day has now been declared an anniversary of shame by our overlords at the ABC.

ONCE a source of pride for a majority of us, Australia Day has now been declared an anniversary of shame by our overlords at the ABC. By shifting its Hottest 100 countdown away from our national holiday, Triple J (the ABC’s youth radio network) has joined the politically correct bandwagon that dumps anything (and everything) anyone finds offensive.

TRIPLE J WILL NOT HOLD HOTTEST 100 ON AUSTRALIA DAY

ANDREW BOLT: SELF-LOATHING LEFT PLAYING WITH FIRE OVER AUSTRALIA DAY

Unfortunately, every holiday we currently celebrate upsets someone. Therefore, we’ve no choice but to abolish the lot.

We begin with January 26. Even though the arrival of the First Fleet under the command of Arthur Phillip gave birth to the successful, vibrant and welcoming nation we now call Australia, there is no doubt indigenous people were dispossessed. That remains upsetting to many of their descendants.

So let’s follow the lead set by Triple J, plus inner-city councils like Yarra, Moreland and Darebin, and cease celebrating Australia Day. No doubt all these organisations’ employees will be hard at work during the next anniversary of this former holiday.

Easter is also problematic. Since the creation of multiculturalism as official government policy in the 1970s, Australia recognises and accepts dozens of competing religions. Faiths like Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Sikhism and Confucianism (as well as non-beliefs like atheism) do not accept Jesus as the Son of God.

Consequently, the death-and-resurrection message of Easter is meaningless — and possibly offensive — to them. Bad luck if you enjoy chocolate eggs, the Bells surfing classic and a few days off work. The Easter break must go.

Ditto Christmas, of course.

Bad luck if you enjoy chocolate eggs, the Bells surfing classic and a few days off work. The Easter break must go.

If Jesus’s death means nothing to some, his birth must be equally unexceptional. Why celebrate the arrival into the world of a deity whose existence contradicts the world view of, say, Islam?

Personally, I think Christmas allows busy families time to reconnect and kids to scream with delight over presents. It also acts as a gateway to summer for those of us fortunate enough to live in the southern hemisphere. But undoubtedly, Christmas offends some Australians. And the avoidance of offence is paramount. So Chrissy must also be abandoned.

At school, I had a friend who excelled at football. Bizarrely, however, his father was a member of the original AFL — the Anti-Football League. The dad hated footy’s cult-like status and felt Victorians’ lives would improve dramatically if we spent less time watching sport and concentrated more on praising God.

I’m told the Anti-Football League remains in existence. Presumably, its adherents still despise the enormous popularity of Australian rules. How can we celebrate the day prior to the Grand Final when footy haters among us suffer so? Solution: the Grand Final eve holiday is cancelled forthwith.

Undoubtedly, Christmas offends some Australians. And the avoidance of offence is paramount. So Chrissy must also be abandoned.

ANOTHER sporting break also upsets many. Hardly a Spring Racing Carnival is completed without a horse stumbling and subsequently being euthanised for its trouble. This year, Regal Monarch suffered the vet’s lethal needle.

Anti-racing types protest against this alleged barbarism because they dream of an alternative world where all horses either roam wild or live as beloved family pets. Such people hate the Melbourne Cup. In good conscience, how can we continue honouring it with a public holiday?

To avoid offending this minority, from 2018 onwards all Victorians must work the first Tuesday in November.

And what about republicanism? According to survey-after-dreary-survey, a majority of Australians would prefer an elected head-of-state to the monarchical system of government we’ve used for centuries. Such people probably whip themselves into a lather of indignation every June when the Queen’s Birthday holiday comes around. I feel for angry republicans. Celebrating the birth of a foreign monarch is wrong in 21st century, multicultural, forward-looking and progressive-thinking Australia. This archaic day off should also be scrapped.

If the commemoration of Anzac Day upsets any Turkish-Australians, then the accompanying day off has to go.

Even New Year’s Day is not without its issues. Unbeknown to most who arise on January 1 each year with a pounding headache and a list of soon-to-be forgotten resolutions, the date also celebrates the federation of Australia in 1901. Unfortunately, not everyone is a fan of Federation.

Many West Australians, for example, still believe they were tricked into joining the other colonies. With some justification, they also feel Canberra rips them off in the areas of taxation and spending. Last year, for example, WA’s GST receipts amounted to just 34c in the dollar of sales tax levied in that state. No wonder our cousins in the West become so riled every January 1. The only way to assuage this anger is to eliminate any mention of a holiday at the beginning of every year.

Finally, what to make of Anzac Day? Once, I had a neighbour who was part Turkish. Although he never mentioned April 25, I now realise this silence masked the deep hurt his Ottoman genes felt towards Australia’s ill-considered invasion of Gallipoli in 1915. Forget the heroism displayed by our troops, or the sense of national pride and togetherness Anzac Day usually engenders.

If its commemoration upsets any Turkish-Australians, then the accompanying day off — plus the footy game between Essendon and Collingwood — has to go.

I’ll miss our once-beloved public holidays. But avoiding offence must take precedence. Perhaps in future, we’ll celebrate “Getting Upset On Behalf Of Others Day”. Even the ABC couldn’t fault that.

Tom Elliott is 3AW drivetime host, weekdays 3pm-6pm

@TomElliott3aw