The best in the world award goes to the men of Melbourne, says high class escort Samantha X

AS a high-class escort, Samantha X knows men better than most. And there’s not even a contest when it comes to the men she loves most.

AAAAH, Melbourne.

My beloved Melbourne. The minute the tyres of QF441 skid to a halt at Tullamarine Airport, I know I’m in for a good time — and a terrible hangover — with some of the world’s most sophisticated and well dressed men in the world.

Yep — Melbourne men. I know, pretty big statement.

But I know what I’m talking about.

SAMANTHA X: WHAT I LEARNED AS AN ESCORT

Samantha X knows men better than most.

I know men pretty well. Men are my business. I make a fine living out of them.

I own an escort agency whereby men pay almost $700 for a date with one of my Angels.

And in the past six or so years as a $1000 an hour courtesan, I have spent many an hour (or five) in a hotel room or at one of Melbourne’s fine dining restaurants in the delightful company of men from all walks of life, from all around the world, from lands afar like France and Italy, to homegrown Brisbane, Sydney and of course, my beloved Melbourne.

So listen up. I don’t want to hear about how there are no decent men anywhere. Look around you!

You’ve got some of the finest examples of the male species right here under your nose.

From the grungy cool good-haircut types in Brunswick and Fitzroy, the cool cucumbers in South Yarra, to the sea of suave manicured business men in colourful ties gliding past on the pavements of the CBD.

What makes Melbourne men so great?

Without a shred of doubt, the best men of the world award goes to the men of Melbourne.

From every age, every demographic and every profession.

I’ve had cleaners as clients, very wealthy men, and country Victorians.

One client used to travel over 400km across Victoria carrying a backpack and a bottle of wine to spend a few hours with me.

And let me tell you, they adore women and better than that, they respect them.

I get given gifts a plenty as an escort, from perfume, $1500 shoes and $1000 lingerie.

But the gift that meant the world to me? A beautiful little key ring of a Melbourne tram, from my beautiful client Cuddles. “Because I know you love Melbourne.”

And it’s not only the way they dress. (Which, by the way, is more European than some real life Europeans). It’s the way they behave, especially around women.

I have a theory (that’s been tried and tested by me).

Men from the Garden State know how to treat a woman.

Melbourne men know how to dress. Picture: Eugene Hyland

Unlike Sydneysiders, who are either too scared to talk to us, or just see us a necessary evil, Victorians can appreciate a woman in the same way they appreciate a good coffee.

They enjoy us.

The men here not only dress up and make an effort for us, (and I don’t mean socks with their thongs either) but they are polite, charming and interested.

In my experience, they’re not after a quick bonk.

They want to stay friends and do things like walk down Chapel Street with you on Saturdays (before they go to the game in their smart shoes and MJ Bale shirt) and feign genuine interest in whether those skinny jeans makes you look anything but. (TIP: honesty is not the policy here gents).

They at least make the effort to take you out and show off one of their many cool bars and restaurants, and they can, because in Melbourne you can enjoy a meal at a fun clattery restaurant at 10pm, unlike geriatric Sydney where the door is firmly closed on any mature adult fun after sunset.

And it’s not just clients I’m talking about.

The brief moment I joined Tinder (and I mean brief), I was taken out by a few Melbourne gentlemen, who not only picked me up and drove me home (and opened the car door too) but gently refused to have sex because ‘it would be nice to get to know each other first.’

Excuse me?

‘I’m not looking for a one-night stand, I want a girlfriend.’

Oh don’t get me wrong. Sydney men love having a girlfriend — for every day of the week.

They seem to be always looking over their shoulder at someone better looking wearing less clothes, or have better things to do than hang out with women — like shuffle around in groups with their maaates.

And it’s not just me that has a love affair with your men.

I was shopping at high street boutique in Perth the other day and chatting to the sales assistant about men.

“But Melbourne, well, the men there are gorgeous..” I smiled wistfully.

“Yes I’ve heard,” she grinned back. “My friend has just moved there and told me the exact same thing. She told me to get on the next plane!”

Most escorts I know adore their Melbourne clients, and most women I’ve spoken to appreciate your men.

So next time you think there are no decent blokes out there, may I suggest travelling around the cities of our wondrous country. You’ll be glad to call Melbourne home.

Samantha X is an author, madam and Herald Sun columnist.

@Samanthax_real