Susie O’Brien: Who is worthy of replacing Queen Elizabeth II on our five-dollar note?

Who could replace the Queen on the five-dollar note? There’s a cavalcade of suggestions from Shane Warne to Steve Irwin, but no obvious choice.

Who is worthy of replacing the Queen on our five-dollar note? Picture: AAP

Who should replace the Queen on the five-dollar note?

Will the winner be an equity, diversity and inclusion hire?

I am guessing the only white male likely to get the gig is King Charles.

(In time I will stop thinking about spaniels when I use this name.)

I’d prefer it’s not Charles; we’ll get enough side angles of the weak Windsor chin on our coins.

Let’s take stock to see who’s already there.

White men – bush poet Banjo Paterson, Rev John Flynn who created the flying doctor service and military commander General Sir John Monash.

White women – The Queen, writer Dame Mary Gilmour, convict businesswoman Mary Reibey, first female parliamentarian Edith Cowan and singer (and dessert inspo) Dame Nellie Melba.

Black men- David Unaipon, Indigenous inventor and writer.

Black women – none.

So that’s four men and five women, including the Queen.

We don’t know that the Prime Minister thinks, given that he chastised a reporter for even asking the question.

Steve Irwin is a popular choice to be the new face of the note. Picture: Facebook

But suggestions are already pouring in.

There’s nothing like a nice divisive debate to get people going.

Unlike the US, we don’t have a rule that says people have to be dead to be considered, but it does seem to be the custom.

The problem with people who are still living is that they can do and say things that aren’t befitting of a monetary symbol. At the very least, there should be a rule banning them form Twitter.

Take Steve Irwin, who died in 2006 while wrangling a sting ray. He’s a popular choice, but do we really need the kids of the five-dollar note guy doing Menulog ads?

Same goes for Shane Warne, another recent suggestion. Would they use his image, cricket stats, or perhaps just print some of his less savoury texts?

We need people with legacies that have endured well beyond their lifetimes, not just popular blokes.

We haven’t even had the Queen’s funeral and already lots of people are having their say.

Opposition Leader Peter Dutton says leave the Queen there.

Former SA senator Christopher Pyne wants a “notable woman”. Is that a pun? With Pyne it’s hard to be sure.

The Music website wants a roll-call of music figures including Paul Kelly, Olivia Newton John, Tina Arena, Michael Gudinski, John Farnham, Archie Roach and Gurrumul Yunupingu. I like this idea, but Nick Cave lighting up a smoke on a fiver doesn’t quite cut it alongside Sir John Monash.

Olivia Newton John, a singer and philanthropist, has been a force for good in her lifetime, but has she done enough?

Would Warne’s off-field indiscretions rule him out? Picture: Getty

Kylie Minogue has also been mentioned. She’s done quite well, but platinum records and looking good in hot pants doesn’t make the grade.

Perhaps we’ll see a resurgence of the push to “put Fred on a Fiver” to commemorate Fred Hollows?

Other have suggested Indigenous elder and actor Uncle Jack Charles would be worthy.

There’s also cricketer Don Bradman, but he’s already highly decorated.

Heath Ledger’s name has even come up. His early death was a tragedy but I am not sure he’s worthy.

Sheesh. It’s hard work finding icons.

We don’t want the selection of the person to scream 2023.

No wonder people are getting silly and naming Russell Coight, Kath and Kim and Daryl Somers. Suggestions have even included a bin chicken or a Bunnings sausage.

I think it should be an Aboriginal person given the lack of Indigenous representation on other notes.

Perhaps Mum Shirl, a woman who spent decades advocating for the welfare of Indigenous people?

Others have suggested Uncle Jack Charles would be worthy of the honour. Picture: AAP

Or Neville Bonner, the first Aboriginal Australian to become a member of the Australian Parliament?

His leonine white mane would look quite striking among the wattle flowers on the five-dollar note.

(The wattle flowers came under fire when they first appeared on the note for looking like toilet brushes. People also thought the background artwork looked like a pair of Ken Done bathers.)

Or what about Harold Thomas, a Luritja man from central Australia and a member of the Stolen Generations, who designed the Aboriginal flag?

Now, I do admit Thomas has had his own share of controversy, with negotiations over the ownership of the flag in and out of the courts for decades. Perhaps the low point was Thomas giving commercial rights to only three companies, one of which, WAM clothing promptly issued infringement notices to the AFL, the NRL and a whole heap of Aboriginal non-profit organisations.

But now that the government has assumed the copyright, buying it from Thomas for $13 million, hopefully some of these grubbier matters are in the past.

I asked my kids who they thought should grace the five-dollar note.

“Mum, no one cares. No one uses cash anymore,” one said.

Sigh. Probably right.

“And you can’t buy anything for five dollars anyway.”