Susie O’Brien: What non-celebrities’ children’s rooms really look like

CELEBRITY homes are not at all like ours - especially the kids’ rooms. This is what ordinary children’s bedrooms really look like, says Susie O’Brien. Do yours shape up?

Georgie’s room, aged 6, from Rowville.

WE all love Rebecca Judd’s new home, which is warm and colourful – just like the gal herself, in fact.

But there’s something that’s not quite right about her children’s room – or spaces, as the decorators would say.

Her kids’ rooms look as much like my own kids’ rooms as I look like Judd herself (i.e. not at all).

First, there is the playroom, which has the singular distinction of containing just about no toys in it, and in fact little room for actual playing.

Yes, there’s a Thomas train set (wooden, of course), but that’ll keep kids occupied for about three minutes.

On the shelves there are some nicely arranged modern objects that appear to have been chosen merely because they’re in keeping with the colour palette.

Bec Judd’s home is pretty to look at, but is it practical?

Not many kids bedrooms are this perfectly arranged.

There’s a pot plant that many kids would start digging in, a comfy sofa that would be a trampoline in seconds, and a striking pastel rug that would be impossible to clean.

At least the rug’s bright geometric pattern would mean dropped icypoles and texta marks wouldn’t show too much.

It’s lovely, but more than a tad impractical.

This rooms belongs to a boy, aged 6, from Pascoe Vale South.

Lila’s room, aged 8, from Yarraville.

Where are the tubs of toys too big to go in the cupboard? The dress-ups? The half-made Lego creations that just can’t be dismantled? The butt-ugly remote-controlled cars, the tribe of Barbies in various states of undress, and the piles of comics and books?

It’s a showroom, not a playroom.

Oscar’s room is the same. Yes, it’s fun and funky, but it’s all about the look, and not much about the kid.

Georgie’s room, aged 6, from Rowville.

A Bellfield boy’s room, aged 5.

There’s the YEAH poster over the bed and a contemporary three-legged stool with a few carefully-selected books which appear to be colour-coded to match the room.

The only item with any personality or character in the whole room is the navy blue racing car bed that’s been deliberately obscured with a black doona cover.

Yes, black. It used to be the colour of death, but now it is apparently on-trend for preschooler bedrooms.

Boys aged 6 & 8 live here, in Pascoe Vale South.

Seamus, Eamon and Tommy’s room, ages 3 to 8, Coburg.

Where, I want to know, are the superhero doona covers that are the bane of most parents’ existence? They’re garish, badly-made and ugly – and of course kids absolutely love them.

Again, there are hardly any toys in sight but there is “mint three ways,” a “sculptural” feather headdress and “artful” lettering on the wall spelling out Oscar’s name.

And there’s a white tee-pee which merely appears to be a breeding ground for more colour-matched soft furnishings rather than actual playing.

Judd notes in The Style School the key is to have a “smaller amount of quality items”.

If only it was this simple! My sons’ bedrooms are a haven of sporting equipment, participation medals for sport, shelves with old school projects they can’t bear to part with and much-loved old soft toys.

Boy aged 8, Bellfield.

And, yes, on a bad day there’s clothes on the floor, the beds are unmade and you have to fight your way through the mountain of cheap plastic on the floor.

But that’s the way they love it, and as long as the mice don’t move in and the washing eventually makes its way to the laundry, I don’t hassle them too much about it.

Judd’s daughter Billie’s room is a similar haven of good taste and style – all in a restrained pastel colour palette, of course. It goes without saying that there’s no Disney pink in sight.

“It’s not a traditional and over-pinkified room; sometimes those traditional nurseries with too much pink lose their sense of class,” Judd says in a The Style School clip. Take note, pink lovers. Keep it classy, please.

Girls aged 6 & 8, Pascoe Vale South.

Sam’s room, aged 11, Box Hill.

“I’m so anti cartoon characters and candy pink,” Judd says.

Well, so am I, but my daughter’s room contains a heavy dose of both, because that’s what she loves.

Is your idea of a “messy room” different to how your kids see it? Send us a pic [e-mail]

So what’s going to happen when Grandma gives little Billie a fluoro three-storey Barbie fun house? Or a bright purple Elsa Frozen sing-along doll with plastic microphone and stand?

There’s also no baby pictures or hand-print artworks in sight. Rather, the wall sports a specially commissioned artwork.

Judd explains that she was quite prescriptive about the colour palette for the painting.

“I wanted a soft pink with a metallic edge and hints of mint and raspberry,” she says.

Well, my daughter’s room also has hints of mint and raspberry, but it’s in the form of food stains on the carpet.

Tori Spelling’s highly stylised nursery.

In keeping with the strict no-toy theme, the only playthings in Billie’s room are a beautiful wooden doll house and a pale pink and gold rocker.

Now, I have to say I admire Judd’s vision for her home and her amazing taste. I am sure the rooms don’t always look like this – it was a photoshoot, after all.

But it certainly isn’t my taste. I’m happier with Blu-Tacked artworks done by the kids themselves than commissioned masterpieces.

Give me big baskets of easily accessible toys over designer minimalism, IKEA over Corporate Culture and floorboards over pricey rugs.

Above all, give me kids’ rooms that are all about the kids and not just their parents.

Follow Susie on Twitter @susieob