Susie O’Brien: Orlando Bloom’s morning routine is a little extra

Actor Orlando Bloom eye-gazes with his daughter, earns his breakfast and chants religiously every morning. It’s all a tad ambitious.

This week everyone was talking about actor Orlando Bloom’s morning routine that contains lots of mindful gazing at his daughter Daisy and eating collagen powder and plant-based meals.

As you all know, I’m not very fancy.

The only time I’ve walked on a red carpet was when my kids spilt raspberry cordial on the Axminster.

So, you won’t be surprised to find his routine is a little different to mine ...

Orlando says: The first thing I do is look at the smart sleep ring tracker to see if I’ve had a good sleep.

Orlando Bloom, pictured with partner Katie Perry, lives a glossier life than Susie O’Brien. Picture: Getty Images

Me: The first thing I do is wake up half an hour late because I’ve slept through my alarm even though it sounds like freight train rattling through hell at 10,000 decibels.

He says: I’ll kiss Daisy and we’ll spend some time connecting. I’ll do eye-gazing with her and sing songs.

I say: I kiss slumber goodbye at the crack of dawn when my kids yell at me to take them to an early sport training session. The only thing I want to connect with is their $150 missing mouthguard which is exactly where they left it — at an oval three suburbs away.

Then I spend some time eye-gazing at my iPhone.

He: I like to earn my breakfast so I’ll just have some green powders that I mix with brain octane oil, a collagen powder for my hair and nails, and some protein.

Me: I like to buy my breakfast but I usually just end up mixing whatever cereal is left with week-day-old milk if the kids have left me any.

Orlando Bloom does plenty of humanitarian work, including with Unicef

Orlando Bloom likes to look sharp. Picture: Getty Images

He says: Then I’ll go for a hike while listening to Nirvana and Stone Temple Pilots.

I say: Then I’ll drop the kids at school, where all the other fake-blonde mums in Kathmandu puffer jackets have nicer cars than me. I do this while listening to the kids’ choice of music, which usually involves Eminem singing about wh----.

He says: By 9am it’s breakfast which is usually porridge, a little hazelnut milk, cinnamon, vanilla paste, hazelnuts, goji berries, vegan protein powder and a cup of PG Tips.

I say: At 9am I choose not to have a vegan/protein/superfood /avocado whip so I can afford to buy a house sometime during in 2056. I don’t know what PG Tips are, but you won’t catch me snacking on a cup of Q-tips.

He says: I am 90 per cent plant-based so will only ever eat a really good piece of red meat maybe once a month.

I say: I am 100 per cent over flexitarians who are plant-based but still eat meat. If I wanted to be plant-based I’d go and graze in the garden.

He says: Then I’ll have a shower and get dressed. I like to make an effort. No tracksuit bottoms.

I say: I also like to have a shower and get dressed! But during COVID, my tracksuit bottoms had to be surgically removed after I wore them for 28 days straight.

He says: For lunch I cook at times but there’s a team of people.

I say: The team of people handling my lunch work at my local cafe where I pay $15 for the privilege of eating artisan wraps that taste like sneaker inserts and smell like failure.

He says: I chant for 20 minutes every day, religiously. Without my Buddhist practice I could have easily come off the rails.

Orlando Bloom and son Flynn, from his first marriage to Miranda Kerr. Picture: Frank Trapper

I say: I spend eight hours and 20 minutes every my day driving my kids to places they could walk and scheduling back-to-back work meetings so I can look busy but do very little.

He says: I spend a lot of my time dreaming about roles for myself and others — for minorities and women.

I say: I spend a lot of my time dreaming about finding my phone charger before my phone goes flat again.

He says: I don’t want to be sucked into the black hole of social media.

I say: I don’t want anyone to realise that I am living my best life on Instagram with photos stolen from other people’s accounts.

He says: During COVID I started building Lego again. I dip in and out while I work.

I say: During COVID I started drinking again. I sleep on-and-off while I work.

He says: Then I’ll do heavy weights for an hour, something to exhaust me.

I say: Forget heavy weights. I can turn any simple event into an exercise opportunity: brushing my hair, using a remote control and ordering Thai takeaway.

Susie O’Brien is a Herald Sun columnist. Her new book The Secret of Half-arsed Parenting is out now.

[e-mail]