Susie O’Brien: Desire to avoid offending a few has ended up offending many

Welcome to our era of syllabically sensitive communication, where our verbal and written footprint is under scrutiny for fear of causing offence.

New words to describe parenting roles are proving cumbersome, writes Susie O’Brien.

I am not a mother, I am a binary cisgender biological gestational carrier of three lovely hupersons.

I spent nine months as a pregnant person and then chest-fed my offspring human milk in order to maximise their chance of having a positive health status.

I am also a fiscally challenged non-paid domestic engineer, family co-ordinator and head of people operations.

At work I am a verbal and written conveyor of opinions and non-fake truths who — as yet — isn’t involuntarily pursuing external employment opportunities.

Welcome to our era of syllabically sensitive communication, where our verbal and written footprint is under scrutiny for fear of causing offence.

The latest politically-correct lexicon which turns mothers into little more gestational carriers and dismisses fathers as the non-birthing parent has me seeing red. Or, I should say, visualising a crimson hue?

I am all for diversity, inclusivity and multiplicity. I don’t mind saying them/their if I am not sure about someone’s gender status and I don’t assume all parents are hetero smug marrieds.

And I welcome those who write their own gender identity on government forms — more power to you. But by categorising people so minutely according to whether they’re biological or not, and gestational or not, we end up dividing people instead of bringing them together.

Isn’t parent a pretty good catch-all for all myriad family types, roles and birthing options out there?

The problem is the desire to avoid offending a few has ended up offending many.

One British commentator suggested babies should be replaced with “humans of newness” or “newly-arrived persons” so as not to offend non-babies. Then someone pointed out human had the word “man” in it, and person had “son” in it …

Back to the non-digital structure used for representation (drawing board).

As I said, I’m pretty sympathetic to the power of language, but is a short black coffee really going to offend both vertically challenged people and those of colour?

Teachers are now being told to stop using boys and girls, with one US guide suggesting gender-neutral expressions such as “Hey campers”.

Organisations issue glossaries full of socially impactful activist phrases designed to minimise the chance of a non-crime hate accident.

Even “trigger warning” is traumatising according to some experts. They want it replaced with “content warning” to spare the feelings of those who suffered forms of violence.

Clapping is also potentially traumatising because it’s apparently a form of “micro-aggression”.

Others suggest terms like “the elderly” should be replaced with more specific monikers to describe incapacity such as “people who have trouble walking short distances”.

Similarly, the British dessert known as a Spotted Dick has become a Dappled Richard, Christmas trees have become Holiday Trees and Easter eggs have morphed into “spring spheres”.

When it comes to religion we can no longer say AD and BC but CE and BCE (Common Era).

The word church to mean a place of worship has become a “place of prayer” or “house of worship”. What if it’s a church we are talking about?

Some of it is just plain courtesy. Do we need a language guide to tell us not to call people “fatty” or “piggy”? Surely not.

The range of acceptable terms can be contradictory. One guide says “fat as an adjective with no negative connotations” is acceptable, along with “person of size” and “plus-size”. Another says even “curvy” is demeaning.

Companies are among the worst at doublespeak. I put the state government’s “health hotels” at the top of the Orwellian list. The quarantine locations house the sickest, not the healthiest people.

The Plain English Foundation reports seeing gas leaks described as “fugitive emissions”, brainstorming renamed as “thought showers” and “vertical consumers” as people who drink standing up.

It reminds me of Amazon gazillionaire Jeff Bezos who described his marriage break-up as coming after a period of “loving exploration”. At least it’s more honest than actor Gwyneth Paltrow’s “conscious uncoupling”.

From now on I am going to consciously uncouple myself from this nonsense and have a loving exploration of all the words I am not meant to say.

I am mother, hear me roar!

(Roar’s okay isn’t it? I wouldn’t like to offend any non-verbal free-range leonine creatures.)

Susie O’Brien is a Herald Sun columnist.

Her new book, The Secret of Half-Arsed Parenting, is out now.

@susieob