Susie O’Brien: Celebrities’ vanity offerings for Ukraine all in vain

Celebs fancied themselves as professors of immunology for the past two years now seem to be positioning themselves as victims in the unfolding Ukrainian crisis.

Celebrities who have fancied themselves as professors of immunology for the past two years are now experts in Russian foreign policy.

Positioning themselves as chief victims in the unfolding global crisis, they declare want us to know they are #heartbroken and #prayingforukraine.

#Whatajoke is more like it.

When Russian military tanks roll onto the streets of Kyiv, people sheltering in freezing bunkers or stranded in residential apartments will gain strength from knowing the star of Nip/Tuck AnnaLynne McCord is tweeting performance poetry in their honour.

They will be buoyed by model Kendall Jenner’s broken heart emoji.

And they be warmed and fed by knowing Prince Harry and his whining duchess Meghan stand with them from the safety of their $20 million Californian mansion.

No doubt Russian president Vladimir Putin will cease the missile attacks because Cardi B, an American rapper, told him to “stop tripping about power” and filmmaker Taika Waititi suggested he “chill”.

Russian President Vladimir Putin has been slammed by celebs.

Civilians queuing up for guns to help them protect their ravaged homeland will also be relieved by knowing actor Hayden Panettiere wished she was “there fighting with you!” Yep, that’s what they need, a diminutive blonde handbag designer and Scream 4 actor on the streets of Kyiv. Step aside, President Zelenskyy, Hayden is coming!

I shouldn’t be surprised by the content of many famous Twitter feeds and Instagram posts this week. Celebrities have never let a lack of knowledge, facts or proximity get in the way of expressing support for popular causes or turning them into a branding opportunity.

Actor and former WWE star John Cena summoned up the powers of tone-deaf celebrity self-promotion when he tweeted about the Ukrainian war using a hashtag from his TV series Peacemaker.

“If I could somehow summon the powers of a real life #Peacemaker I think this would be a great time to do so,” he wrote.

Yes, the people of Ukraine need a comic book superhero to come to life and save them. Nailed it, Cena!

US TV host Andy Cohen let Wordle speak for him, typing the word PEACE into popular online word game.

Let’s hear it for celebrities who want to confine their searing geopolitical analyses to words of five letters. How nice of him to take time out from interviewing vacuous Real Housewives, tennis has-beens and NY heiresses to use up a wordle try to help the Ukrainians. I hope he didn’t let it affect his winning streak. What a pity SHUTUP is six letters.

In a similar vein, former supermodel Paulina Porizkova tweeted that she was taking “a quick stroll on the beach to get a little air and sun” while she feels joy in the aftermath of a family wedding. Lucky for the Ukrainians, she found a few seconds to worry “about the world situation today”.

Others are intent on reducing suffering on an unimaginable scale to something simple to understand. Stephen King tweeted about the war in terms of schoolyard fights and Piers Morgan described Putin as a “bully-boy thug”.

Some went even further, such as US TV host Joy Behar who’s worried about how the war will impact on her plans to travel to Italy. I don’t think she tweeted #prayingforpasta, but she may as well have.

Activists attend a rally against Russia. Picture: Getty Images

I’ve already mentioned McCord, who filmed herself telling Putin that: “If I was your mother, the world would have been warm”. McCord should stick to playing characters in failed 1980s sitcom reboots and leave politics to the professionals. Suggesting that Putin wouldn’t be the dictator he is if he’d had more cuddles as a baby isn’t doing much to help desperate, terrified Ukrainians right now.

Of course, there are some who are working tirelessly to highlight the plight of the Ukrainian people and putting their own money on the line These include Bethenny Frankel whose charity #bstrong is on the ground distributing disaster packages, partnering with local business and raising millions.

Similarly, actors Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are matching $1 million in donations made to the UNHCR. If you donate this kind of money, you can tweet whatever you like, as far as I am concerned.

I’ll give former Californian governor Arnold Schwarzenegger the last word.

No stranger to war himself, Arnie tweeted that he was “not a foreign policy expert so will leave the analysis to smarter people than me”.

He’s never going to increase his social media following with honest, self-deprecating attitudes like this. No hashtags, no emojis, no fancy graphics. He’d better step up if he wants to stay famous.

Susie O’Brien is a Herald Sun columnist