Susie O’Brien: Baking in isolation is a case of eat, pray, shove
Soldiers in world wars spent months in freezing trenches under attack by the enemy and lost their lives in battle. This year we’re playing our part for national security by staying home and making marshmallow chocolate mug cakes in the microwave, writes Susie O’Brien.
Susie O'Brien
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When you’re wondering why you can’t stop eating during lockdown, remember the word stressed backwards is desserts.
As lockdown wears on, I’m beginning to think my bathroom scales must be broken as I seem to be many kilos heavier. And my washing machine must be shrinking my clothes because nothing fits anymore.
Or perhaps I should blame it on the fact that I am doing a lot of iso eating and drinking, but not much iso exercising.
Soldiers in world wars answered the call to duty. They spent months in freezing trenches under attack by the enemy and lost their lives in battle.
This time around, we’re playing our part for national security by staying home and making marshmallow chocolate mug cakes in the microwave.
Your country needs you — to stay home and bake comfort food for your family.
We are a home army kitted out in comfortable pants ordering baking ingredients in bulk online.
It’s no wonder cookbook sales are soaring, we’re streaming lots of food shows and spending more than ever at the supermarket.
We’re also getting lockdown love handles and piling on the #coronakilos thanks to local restaurants offering to deliver their signature range of Gippsland duck, quattro formaggi and wild mushrooms.
You can even get home-delivered “support packs” which include a cookie dough roll, and a “cheese bored”.
I, for one, am on a food journey that’s taking me from the couch to the bed to the fridge and back again.
You can lock me up, but you can’t stop me from eating from eating no-bake cakes with Nutella as the main ingredient.
Cakes at 9am? Well, it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere in the world, isn’t it?
Of course, those pesky nutritionists and health experts want us to keep a food diary, banish unhealthy snacks and “grow our own dinners”.
One even suggests “marching on the spot or up and down your stairs” in a bid to stave off hunger pains. Yeah right.
Or you could just give in and make yourself a dish of Ikea meatballs — apparently the Swedish retail giant has just released the recipe which is in diagram form.
It’s not easy. When it comes to isolation baking, never has there been such a gap between aspiration and attainment.
My iso wish dish is Donna Hay chocolate fondants. You know, the chocolate puddings that are all runny in the middle.
On Tuesday night (why not? — all nights are the same these days) I made some, popped them in the oven, and turned them out onto the plates. But instead of gooey majestic puddings, we ended up with sad little piles of dirty chocolate soil covering our plates.
The kids tried to make me feel better. “Mum, this is great!” they said, spraying crumbs from their mouths. The real verdict emerged as they politely tried to swallow the grainy mixture.
“Next time, Mum, maybe use different chocolate?” And “So, Mum, did you even follow a recipe?”
Letting little ones “help” in the kitchen in a bid to keep them occupied can also be dangerous.
Don’t let preschoolers do the measuring or break the eggs, especially if the adults who are supervising them are doing a bit of iso drinking.
Luckily, the bar for baking success is very low for younger kids — licking the beaters (making sure they’re turned off first) usually counts for more than the actual outcome.
And yet young kids who want to start licking the bowl while the mixture is still in it don’t compare to the food needs of teens.
My daughter, who is 14, is right across the latest culinary trends, like fairy floss ice cream flurritos.
“They really big RN,” she texted me from across the table. For those ITK, RN means right now (and ITK means in the know).
Flurritos are two scoops of ice cream wrapped in strawberry fairy floss and then topped with fruit loops and unicorn sprinkles. Gee, let’s hope no unicorn was harmed in the making of that dish.
She’s also a fan of S’mores gooey chocolate mud cake, which she says is “dangerously easy”.
I found it dangerous as it exploded everywhere.
Good luck with the next few weeks. Love, laugh, create and cook.
Just make sure you get someone else to do the washing up and clean up any spillage.
“Kids, come lick the microwave!”
Susie O’Brien is a Herald Sun columnist