Kid’s favourite Elf on the Shelf shouldn’t be tarnished this Christmas

Why must these Christmas Grinches want to repackage everything that’s meant to be fun and innocent as negative at this time of year?

Christmas has a new Grinch.

Her name is Emma Shingleton.

Emma is a former teacher whose idea of a good time is to make other parents feel like they’re doing a very, very bad job.

She thinks the much-loved Christmas toy, the Elf of the Shelf, is having a detrimental effect on kids.

The Elf on the Shelf is a soft toy that stays with families from December 1 and reports back to Santa each night about whether kids are good or not.

The elf magically moves around the house and pop up in unexpected places to delight the kiddies.

Christmas Grinch Emma Shingleton says The Elf on the Shelf is having a detrimental effect on our kids.

It’s a pain for half-arsed parents like me who can’t remember to move it all the time (spoiler alert – they’re not really magic) but kids love them.

This isn’t good enough for Emma, who says kids find the idea of being watched by Santa’s “spies” stressful.

She says these “festive home invaders” are setting kids up to fail and set a bad example by monitoring kids.

Rather than judge kids, she wants Elf on the Shelf to inspire them to do a whole lot of fun activities like brushing their teeth, washing up and giving their clothes and toys away to needy kids.

Gee, nothing says the magical of Christmas like teeth-brushing, does it?

Why does everything fun and innocent have to be repackaged as negative at this time of year?

The Elf on the Shelf

Christmas has never been more under threat, and not only from meanies like Ms Emma.

I am thankful the European Commission that has backtracked on their idea to replace Christmas period with a “holiday period”, but there’s still lots of discussion about how harmful innocent traditions are.

In the last few weeks alone, we’ve heard Christmas music is “terrifying” for underprepared people, presents are bad for the environment and people who put up decorations early are inducing anxiety in others.

In the UK there are even warnings that festive dressing – everything from high heels to Santa suits – could hamper the ability of drivers to control a car and lead to fines of up to $8000. Throw in Omicron-induced border closures, Covid restrictions and supply chain issues

affecting everything from Christmas trees to toys, and you wonder why we’re bothering at all.

And don’t get me started on presents which now have to be sustainable, non-harmful, non-discriminatory, biodegradable, inclusive and inexpensive.

Chief Medical Officer Professor Paul Kelly, for instance, wants a milder, transmissible strain of the coronavirus for Christmas.

Sure, that would be good, but what ever happened to socks and jocks? Or a nice good book?

Others are doing away with shop-bought presents altogether, with an increasing number of families exchanging thoughtful homemade presents or recycled gifts.

After the year we’ve all had, can’t we just enjoy a nice Christmas without negativity, writes Susie O’Brien. Picture: David Crosling.

Don’t they realise a “make it, bake it or grow it” mandate for gifts is terrifying for the 99 per cent of people who don’t see themselves as a cross between Martha Stewart, Donna Hay and Costa the Hairy ABC Gardening Guy?

And don’t get me started on recycled gifts: I don’t want someone else’s cast-offs for Christmas, especially if I have given it to them in the first place.

Instead, as Christmas looms just weeks away, we need to concentrate on the funny side of it all.

The woman who baked Christmas biscuits with chocolate buds instead of chips, and they turned up looking like breasts with very large nipples.

Or the American cooking site that’s confused about festive mince pies – it’s got a recipe which uses real beef mince, not the fruity kind.

Or the council that spent $100,000 putting up Christmas decorations that looked like a man’s meat and two veg hanging in the sky.

This year, let’s celebrate the wonky, the half-arsed and the wickedly wrong.

The baby Jesus tree ornament that looks like a severed toe.

The woman who rearranged a sign at her mother’s house to read Mr Creamy Sh*ts instead of Merry Christmas. And no one even noticed.

Rather than obsessing about being perfect, socially conscious and well-behaved, let’s exchange gifts that are silly and funny.

This year it’s time to hunt down stress balls that look like umm, real balls, toilet paper with “crappy” jokes and super-sized wine glasses that take three bottles for your nearest and dearest. Let’s make each other laugh by giving away T-shirts that say things like: “I’m not a gynaecologist but I’ll take a look anyway”, electronic nose hair nose trimmers and 3D wolf Y fronts.

Let’s laugh, have fun and take no notice of people trying to tell us Christmas traditions are there to make us scared, worried and upset.

And if you’re wanting to get me anything, those extra-large wine glasses will do nicely,

thanks very much.

Susie O’Brien is a Herald Sun columnist and author of The Secret of Half-arsed Parenting