Electric scooters Melbourne: Call to outlaw the personal light electrical vehicles

Please rid our lovely city streets, paths, parks and waterways of these lurid louts, or if scooters are to be made permanent there needs to be stricter rules, writes Susie O’Brien.

Scooter riders in Melbourne CBD. Picture: David Crosling

E-scooters are the best thing that’s ever happened to cyclists.

Thanks to all the annoying scooter riders infesting our city spaces, no one cares much about

Lycra-clad loons anymore.

We’re much more concerned about the irritating users of these so-called electric micro-

mobility devices, or as I like to call them, drunk-people death traps.

Locks blowing in the breeze, e-scooter riders glide in and out of pedestrians on footpaths

and roads, barely breaking a sweat

With ear buds jammed in their ears, they’re often checking their socials as they zoom along,

they’re blissfully unaware they’re leaving a string of annoyed walkers and motorists in their

low-carb footprint.

E-scooters in Melbourne CBD. Picture: Jake Nowakowski

Some wear helmets like a fashion accessory, refusing to do up the strap.

Do you know what you call a helmet that’s not done up?

A hat.

I am not against e-scooters, but e-scooter riders who have an amazing inability not to ride

dangerously.

Sometimes there’s two of them crammed on the same scooter, giggling as they clock up

speeds of 40km/hr going the wrong way on the freeway.

E-scooters are believed to meet an unmet transport need. What need? Acting like an idiot at

top speed in public places?

Officially they are known as PLEVs – personal light electrical vehicles.

These so-called jetskis of the city should be known as their real name: PISS. Personal injury

Status Scooters.

People ride e-Scooters along the footpath on Elizabeth St. Picture: Brendan Beckett

The state government announced earlier this year that the one-year trial allowing two

brands of e-scooters would be extended until the end next week.

They should read on and save themselves many hundreds of thousands in consultants’ fees.

I’ll tell them what they need to know for free.

THE TRIAL HASN’T WORKED.

NOT EVEN A BIT.

E-SCOOTERS ARE CRAP AND EVERYONE HATES THEM.

(OK, I feel better now.)

To Lord Mayor Sally Capp and Premier Daniel Andrews, I make this plea.

Please rid our lovely city streets, paths, parks and waterways of these lurid louts.

Please let drunk people with an urgent desire to get across the city so they can lose money

at Crown Casino stumble into cabs like they used to before e-scooters came to town.

Please let young people who want to feel young and free take a jog rather than pick up an e-

scooter.

The corner of St Kilda Rd where a motorist tried to run down several people riding e-scooters. Picture: Andrew Henshaw

Please let tradies who are late for work opt for fare evading on public transport like they

used to do.

I urge you to allow Neuron and Lime to go back to being brain cells and fruits, not

transportation options.

Whatever you have tried to do to get the e-scooter operators to take responsibility hasn’t

worked.

From the beginning the trial was flawed because it allowed two commercial companies to

operate, but banned individually own e-scooters from being ridden in public even though

it’s legal to buy them.

The idea was that the scheme would ensure the companies would track wrongdoers,

control the scooters’ use and storage and monitor the impact.

But for the past year, e-scooter riders have been carelessly flouting the rules and no one

seems to care.

There are fines of more than $900 but this isn’t a deterrent because hardly anyone is fined.

If e-scooters continue (please, no), the rules have to be strong and upheld by police because

we can’t count on e-scooter users to do the right thing unless coerced to do so.

Hospital statistics show the most common accident involves a drunk young male without a

helmet who falls or loses control of his scooter.

E-scooters should only be used on bike lanes and paths writes Susie. Picture: David Crosling

Yes, of course it does.

If these scooters are to be made a permanent blight on our landscape, they need to be

docked off footpaths and in properly demarcated areas.

They need to be only used in bike lanes and paths where they are separated from

pedestrians, and they should only be used by those with a drivers’ license.

The government should also make it mandatory for all e-scooters be registered so the riders

and owners can be identified.

They must fine riders without helmets and fine riders with helmets that are not strapped

on.

Crack down on people who are riding them on footpaths or roads and fine them too.

Confiscate e-scooters left lying around the city, fining the owners.

And then fine people who don’t issue enough fines.

There’s another issue. Right now, only those riding within the road rules and operator’s

conditions are insured for third party injury. This makes no sense because most accidents

happen when people are doing the wrong thing.

However, it would be better to outlaw them altogether.

The Scooters Behaving Badly Twitter page has this apt slogan.

Don’t park or ride your e-scooter like an idiot.

Better yet, don’t ride one at all.

This, I think, says it all.

Good: New round of the $250 power bonus started on Friday

Bad: Mum claims Aldi’s prices are now as high as other supermarkets

Funny: Prince Harry’s memoir mocked in parody book Spare Us