Bronze statues belong to world champions and visionaries not politicians

Daniel Andrews will earn himself a bronze statue when he serves 3000 days in office, but they belong to world champs not political chumps.

Coming to No 1 Treasury Place – the Big Dan, to match the Big Banana, the Big Merino, the Big Koala and the Big Bogan.

In February, Premier Daniel Andrews will have served 3000 days in office, earning him the right to immortality – a life-size statue in bronze.

He will join only four other Victorian premiers holding court next to Treasury Gardens: Dunstan, Bolte, Hamer, Cain and now Andrews.

Will the statue come to be the crowning jewel in Labor’s Big Build?

Daniel Andrews should be immortalised in bronze with a mask around his neck in case of further virus outbreaks. Picture: Ian Currie

Will it depict Andrews as we remember him best: decked out in his favourite North Face jacket, jeans and RM Williams boots?

In summer the jacket could be removed, to reveal his trademark blue suit jacket – which he’s been wearing longer now than Karl Stefanovic.

At his feet, in gold, will be the words: #IStandwithDan.

The Big Dan should have his mouth open because he’s doing his favourite thing – talking.

He should have a mask around his neck, ready to be whipped on in case of further virus outbreaks.

There should be a button to push, to play some of his most cherished phrases.

“Get on the beers,” he could say, raising an arm.

And: “Are we right to go?”

Andrews’ statue will join those in Treasury Gardens.

John Cain is the most recent premier to warrant a statue for his time in office.

And my favourite: “Playgrounds are closed until further notice.”

Imagine being one of the visionaries to design a mighty monument like this one.

“Let’s show him larger than life, like the statesman he truly is,” says one.

“Let’s capture his broad appeal, likability and popularity as a man of the people,” says another.

“Errrr, let’s put it on a really high plinth so it won’t get vandalised,” says a third.

Andrews’ political mandate means he’s earned the right to govern for another four years (gee, those words are hard to write).

But the idea of a monument commemorating Andrews, in an era when tearing down statues is more popular than putting them up, leaves me cold.

Imagine being the artist toiling for months to capture those eyes, those ears, that smile and the chilled demeanour.

Mounting statues of premiers who have served 3000 or more days was the brainchild of former Liberal Premier Jeff Kennett.

Kennett’s bronzed immortality was foiled by the Victorian people 429 days before he reached the qualifying threshold.

Let’s end this farce before the Big Dan becomes a reality.

Statues belong to world champions and life-changing visionaries, not politicians who keep getting elected because they are thought to be slightly less crap than the crap people running against them.