Susie O’Brien: Influencers can’t hack hard-earned ‘real jobs’ like Gen X, Baby Boomers

They’re cute, aerobically gifted young people getting rich by dancing in their bedrooms — but they wouldn’t last a second in the “real jobs” filled by Baby Boomers and Gen X.

This week The Australian newspaper released a list of their top 100 influencers. It was billed by the paper as a “world-first index using a bespoke measurement tool built in partnership with global experts in behavioural science”.

To me it looked like a pile of cute, aerobically gifted young people getting rich by dancing in their bedrooms, photographing their sleeping pets and taking their pregnant bellies on world tours.

Baby Boomers and Gen Xers like me who’ve got degrees and “good jobs” are baffled by the idea of rich-listers having careers where face tatts are a bonus and being Sagittarius is a legitimate job skill.

The Rybka Twins also known as Sam and Tegan Rybka. Picture: @rybkatwinsofficial

The list mostly consisted of people I’d never heard of, like lip-syncher Caleb Finn, Joel Bergs who’s well known (apparently) for his “you laugh you lose” clips and the photogenic Rybka Twins.

The list, which included only a sprinkling of people born in the last century, offers an insight into why young people don’t respect the fact that oldies like us have held the same middle-management roles for 30 years now and are just one pay increment off a cubicle with a window.

They’re making crying face emojis just thinking about how old and sad we are with our real jobs, superannuation bonuses and weekly pay packets.

Tiktok star Caleb Finn. Picture: Mark Stewart

A leaked presentation from the National Job Summit further explores this generation chasm between the Gen Z “influencer creator economy” and Gen X office workers who are shocked to find no one really cares about family travel Facebook posts.

How to get ahead at work

Office worker: Always be punctual, do your best and don’t leave the office at the end of the day before your boss.

Influencer: Who cares about being punctual when it’s more important to be real and authentic? Post lots of real content such as clips of stupid people dancing, fat people bending over and dumb things animals do. Be deep, controversial and ground breaking, posting captions such as “Here’s a pic of me and Josh” and “Hi”.

Skills you need

Office worker: Maximise your chance of positive post-school pathways by getting a good VCE or VCAL score.

Influencer: Who cares about school when you can be rich and famous by lip-synching in your bedroom, being a brunch enthusiast and showcasing your summer suitcase styling tips? Who needs a degree when you’ve got 20 million Insta followers, a shapewear range and a fitness app?

Gen Z favourite Abbie Chatfield.

How you should look

Office worker: Dress conservatively to suit the office environment. Pair classic hues and ensure nothing is too revealing or clashing.

Influencer: Beanies and Botox are good. Face tatts and lip rings are even better.

How to get the job of your dreams

Office worker: Set yourself apart with letters of recommendation, use networks and have a five-year plan for success.

Influencer: Prepare yourself for a long career as an influencer by appearing on Big Brother, being an AFL or AFLW player, or even better having a successful OnlyFans site.

Have a five-second plan – anything longer and you’ll lose people’s attention.

How to pick your dream job

Office worker: Reflect on your strengths, get to know yourself and concentrate on what you are good at.

Influencer: You deserve to be your own boss and don’t listen to anyone who says looking hot in international destinations is not a job. These days, posting about what your favourite pizza says about you and sharing your “sad gurl vibez” will make you a star.

How to get noticed

Office worker: Update your resume, practice interview skills and be patient and persistent.

Influencer: Do crazy weird random stuff and make sure someone is around to film it. It helps to have a trademark stuffed toy, model looks and a willingness to do backflips in the nude. Create authentic content via meaningful marketing partnerships. If you’re a macrobiotic vegan you should be willing to promote big macs for the right price.

What if I am not enjoying my job?

Office worker: Stick at it for at least six months or employers will think you are not loyal enough.

Influencer: Do what you love and success will come. So what if it’s posting cringy pictures of you and your partner displaying your all-over body tatts while sudsing up your car? Post it and fame will find you!

Help! I can’t find a job

Office worker: Stay positive and get out there. Pound the pavements, hand out your resume and think about retraining and upskilling.

Influencer: Think positive and dream yourself into a job that delivers all-expenses travel around the world. Stay young, hot and relevant by posting regular clips of funny things animals do when they sleep, scary things found in people’s houses and kids who share their lollipops with sheep.

Susie O’Brien is a Herald Sun columnist.