Rita Panahi: The seven rules of airline etiquette
The days when air travel was a glamorous affair may be long gone but today’s regular flyers fear coronavirus less than being seated next to an uncouth, discourteous oaf. Here are the seven cardinal rules of airline etiquette, writes Rita Panahi.
Rita Panahi
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Our decline as a civilisation is evident in the way we fly. We once dressed in our Sunday best and conducted ourselves with class and decorum when on a flight. That was the era when glamorous air hostesses served cocktails and tea in fine bone china.
What was an elegant exercise has descended into unrefined, trashy and inconsiderate carry-on, excuse the pun. As someone who flies twice a week I’ve seen things, horrible things, that make you question your faith in humanity.
On a recent flight I had the displeasure of being seated next to a passenger from hell who within minutes of taking his seat in 4B began breaking five of the seven cardinal rules for civilised air travel.
He removed his shoes, reclined his seat on a 80-minute flight, committed egregious armrest offences and then came the nose picking and consumption (yes, a grown man repeatedly picked his nose and ate it despite audible gasps from the woman in 4A).
He must’ve got quite full because then he started to flick whatever he extracted from his nose and scalp.
A more disgraceful display I have not witnessed since an Air Asia flight to Thailand where a drunk passenger had to be physically restrained by flight crew.
While most travellers are largely considerate of their fellow man, a growing number exhibit behaviours that should land them on a “no fly” list.
Last week a viral video sparked heated debate about what is acceptable behaviour on a plane. The short clip shows a man in the last row with a seat that can’t recline repeatedly punching the headrest of the woman in front of him who had reclined her seat despite the man’s objections.
The woman in the reclined seat, Wendi Williams, filmed the incident and posted it online expecting to receive nothing but sympathy and praise. Mistake! While the man’s behaviour was appalling, Williams, too, copped heavy criticism for behaving like a petulant child.
Even Delta Air Lines chief executive Ed Bastian joined the fracas: “The proper thing to do is, if you’re going to recline into somebody, you ask if it’s OK first.”
Given the flight in question was just under two hours there was no reason for Williams to recline. Indeed, anyone who reclines during a short flight needs to have good, hard look at themselves and reassess their life choices.
For her part Williams is now threatening to sue American Airlines over the incident claiming she’s been defamed.
So here are the seven rules of airline etiquette:
1. Footwear — No one wants to see your disgusting feet or smell your socks. Do not under any circumstances remove your shoes or board a plane in crocs, thongs or sandals unless you’ve been freshly pedicured. Those who pick at their bare feet should be publicly shamed by the nearest flight attendant.
2. Reclining — Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. No one needs to recline their seat on a flight that’s less than four hours, some would argue six hours. Basic consideration dictates that you don’t infringe on the space of the person behind you unless you’re on a long haul flight.
3. Toilets — Why do so many passengers feel the need to visit the rest room as soon as the plane takes off? Are they not aware airports are equipped with toilets?
4. Armrest — This is a contentious one. Many believe that the middle seat has rights to both armrests but I disagree. The shared armrests should be kept free of arms to avoid the personal space of passengers being invaded.
5. Bodily functions — Whether it’s flatulence, guttural coughing or excessive nose blowing, it is important to keep your secretions to a minimum.
6. Luggage — Some travellers push the envelope when it comes to carry-on luggage, meaning there’s insufficient space on packed flights. Occasionally airlines crackdown on this behaviour but people know that more often than not you can get away with it. It goes without saying most of these rules do not apply if you’re in business or first class in a flat-bed capsule. Turns out money can buy happiness.
7. Unruly young’uns — There are times when there’s nothing you can do to soothe a screaming baby, you can feed, change and rock them and they’ll keep screaming their little lungs out. But too often parents seem deaf and blind to the disruptive antics of their offspring.
In the US it’s not unusual for people to board planes with a variety of “therapy animals” which have included ponies, pigs, dogs and ducks.
Last year United Airlines banned a woman who insisted on travelling with an emotional support peacock. Something for Australian travellers to look forward to.
For many regular flyers it’s not the fear of coronavirus that worries them when boarding a plane but the prospect of being seated next to an uncouth, discourteous oaf with no concept of personal space.
But of course societal decline isn’t just evident during air travel.
Only this week a headmistress in NSW wrote to parents concerned about children’s inability to use eating utensils. Abbotsford Public School took the step after discovering many kids at school camp did not know how to use a knife and fork.
Just like the guy in 4B.
Rita Panahi is a Herald Sun columnist.