‘Thank You Day’ to replace Grand Final holiday is an insult to Victorians amid virus fight
Instead of the AFL Grand Final, Victorians must settle for a “Thank You Day” from the same government that jeopardised its citizens, writes Patrick Carlyon.
Patrick Carlyon
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Cynics wondered at AFL head Gill McLachlan’s announcement on Wednesday when he said that Premier Dan Andrews had helped ensure a crowd at a Grand Final.
That Andrews and his team had helped ensure that the Grand Final could be played anywhere — except Victoria — in front of fans from almost anywhere — except Victoria — went unacknowledged.
No one disputes that the Gabba and Brisbane, that faraway land of sunshine and laughter, will ably substitute for the rumble of the MCG.
But until now, Melburnians have scoffed at the invocations of Port Adelaide chairman David Koch, and others, for a Grand Final elsewhere. Naive as we were, we had not factored in wholesale government incompetence.
Instead of a Grand Final, we must settle for “Thank You Day”, a state government initiative aimed at all the housebound Melburnians who no longer get dressed before noon because, frankly, we have nowhere to go.
It will take place on the public holiday the day before the Grand Final, an Andrews government advent that surprised many when it was introduced a few years ago.
Small Business Minister Jaala Pulford explained that this year’s public holiday will offer certainty to business. She sounded unaware that many businesses owners are burdened with the certainty that they are out of business because of Victoria’s second wave of COVID.
In the same announcement, Sport Minister Martin Pakula said that the government was working in the interests of Victorians.
This comes as a relief, given that Pakula’s government and his departments failed the interests of Victorians in March, April, May and June.
In doing so, they fomented conditions for emergency laws that will probably preclude the assumed Grand Final customs of generations. Sharing beers and party pies with your mates isn’t the same on Zoom.
A Thank You Day does sound like a fine idea to acknowledge the gritty resolve of our healthcare workers. These angels deserve pay rises and chauffeur-driven parades before a grateful public.
But a thank you, on behalf of the government to the citizens they have jeopardised, seems misplaced.
We don’t know when we can go back to work, or when the kids will go back to school. Stage four restrictions look set to be extended, albeit with marginal changes that might allow involuntarily solitary people to finally sight a forehead, if not a smile.
The sacrifices Victorians have made are peculiar to this state, because this state ignored the protocols and oversight adopted by other states in its botched hotel quarantine program.
Isn’t it almost mocking our loss of liberties for the powers that triggered the pain to turn around to say thank you? Is it intended as a distraction for the diabolical reasons why, say, visiting your mum remains a treat loaded with worries about what is and is not allowed?
There is no clear “roadmap” to the reopening of businesses, and there remains a glaring absence of transparency over what should have done better.
No one has bothered to explain why exercise restrictions and five kilometre radius limits need apply. Why are there limits on householders in a supermarket?
Perhaps there are sound health reasons for otherwise seemingly arbitrary controls, but it would be nice to know why “the plan” appears to demand that we stayed locked up for the foreseeable weeks ahead.
Thank You Day, in the circumstances, is twee. Are we being rewarded for graciously bowing to the poor governance that separates Victoria from the rest of the nation? Why not replace Thank You Day with an event that would rouse enthusiasm and unite the community? Call it “Sorry Day”.
Victorian ministers could perch on the back of utes, boasting their names, which drive in a slow procession in a roar of silence, like a New Orleans street funeral, just without music or mourners.
They could proceed to the MCG, where a mock gallows is erected, along with a mock medieval executioner, sporting a black leather vest stamped with “Political Accountability”.
A Kurt Cobain impersonator could croon “All Apologies”. An Elton John impersonator could play “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word”.
Overhead, a plane could sign-write: “Sorry, Team Victoria, Written and Authorised by the Australian Labor Party ...”.
Children could present state government ministers with sad emoji drawings and ask cute questions.
Why didn’t you stop the sick people who came on the big planes from making my great granny sick?
Will I ever see my friends again?
My daddy calls the daily press conference the Noddy and Clueless Show. Are you Noddy or Clueless?
No, it wouldn’t make things easier. But we would feel a little less patronised.
PATRICK CARLYON IS A HERALD SUN COLUMNIST