Patrick Carlyon: National anthem can’t keep everyone happy

Australia is once again debating the lyrics of Advance Australia Fair but is it realistic to expect a national song to satisfy us all, asks Patrick Carlyon.

It’s the impossible dream: a national song that satisfies everyone.

Australia is once again debating the lyrics of Advance Australia Fair, mainly because it’s from the 1800s, which was before Twitter.

The chatter has prompted renewed discussion for alternative national anthems.

But these, too, face hurdles. They don’t include everything and everybody. Unless, of course, we apply tweaks of the words to accommodate every fashionable cause of all time.

I Still Call Australia Home, by Peter Allen, speaks of a “colder” world, which will never satisfy climate alarmists, who know the world is warming, except last Saturday, when it was really cold.

Waltzing Matilda speaks to the mental health of a homeless man. Was suicide an appropriate response to being nabbed for theft, given the range of crisis accommodation options now available? Could the last verse include the Lifeline phone number?

John Farnham’s You’re The Voice is a message in empowerment. But like Advance Australia Fair, it was penned before social media.

Do the shoutiest voices really need any affirmation?

Men at Work’s Down Under speaks of wanderlust and touchstones of home. But the messaging gets muddled. Could “where beer does flow and men chunder” be replaced with “where alcoholic refreshments are responsibly served and all people do not blunder”?

There has been renewed discussion in Australia for alternative national anthems. Picture: Christian Gilles

John Williamson’s True Blue speaks of a “smoko”, which sends a poor message to our young. Rewrite as “allotted 10-minute work adjournment”?

Daryl Braithwaite’s Horses celebrates the freedom of riding a horse, but it is unclear whether the rider asked the horse for permission beforehand.

Khe Sanh by Cold Chisel denotes drug use and loose living. Did the protagonist employ safe sex? Could the lyrics portray a successful outcome in the treatment of his post-traumatic stress disorder?

Treaty by Yothu Yindi is rather catchy. But it sets out political answers at odds with inner-city folk who find meaningful solutions by signing lots of online petitions. Also, four minutes is a long time for an Olympic medal ceremony.

I Am Australian, by The Seekers, artfully explores differing perspectives, but only touches on our modern immigrant past. The oversight is easily fixed.

The song need only acknowledge the individual contributions of the Greeks, the Italians, the Chinese, the Vietnamese, the Sudanese and every other ethnicity embraced by our big brown land — at last count, more than 270.

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Patrick Carlyon is a Herald Sun columnist

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