Opinion: Follow these five basic rules to get through family Christmas without arguments

If you follow these five basic guidelines on Christmas Day, your family lunch will be smooth sailing. Probably.

I love Christmas. I’m about as far from a grinch as a person could get.

Spending the day with my extended family is a joy, because they’re all incredibly cool people and I wish I could see them more often.

When people tell me of their festive stress, I can’t relate. Stories of creepy uncles, racist grandparents and judgy parents elude me.

So, from my vantage point, I have collated five cornerstones of Christmas harmony.

If these five key rules are followed, I can’t guarantee you’ll love Christmas – but you’ll get through it without a mental breakdown.

1. Don’t comment on people’s bodies

It’s so obvious it shouldn’t need to be said. Swallow the word vomit and remember bodies are weird, ever-changing and always highly sensitive.

Even if you think you’re saying something nice, make your compliment about their outfit, hair, cooking, smile – literally anything else.

If these five key rules are followed, I can’t guarantee you’ll love Christmas – but you’ll get through it without a mental breakdown. Picture: Supplied

2. Don’t ask when people are getting married or having babies

This should also be Captain Obvious.

I don’t know how to make this any clearer: there are endless reasons why people are not marrying or procreating, and none of them have anything to do with you.

It could be as simple as they don’t want to, or it could be as traumatic as miscarriages, rejected proposals and diagnosed infertility.

This one is important: Say nothing.

3. Pick your battles

If Christmas propels you in front of that person you are diametrically opposed to politically, pick your battles.

Ask yourself whether engaging in a conversation with someone who takes delight in upsetting you is going to be productive or healthy in any way. Protect your mental health.

Ask yourself whether engaging in a conversation with someone who takes delight in upsetting you is going to be productive or healthy in any way. Picture: Supplied

4. Respect people’s dietary requirements

People eat gluten free because they’re coeliac, vegan because their doctor told them to, keto because it makes them feel better.

Dietary requirements receive a bizarre amount of judgement, but live and let live. If you’re in charge of cooking, just make sure there is something delicious and substantial for everyone.

5. Do the washing up without being asked

If you didn’t slave over cooking Christmas lunch (in which case you get a free pass to put your feet up) then make yourself useful and chip in.

Blokes, I’m looking at you. Just do it, don’t wait to be asked.

These guideposts are no recipe for perfection, but they’re a step in the right direction.

Merry Christmas. May we all still have our sanity by Boxing Day.