Mitchell Toy revamps your AFL club’s membership pack

AFL membership packs are often crammed with useless junk.So here are some ideas for member goodies for seven clubs.

AFL membership packs are often crammed with useless junk.

So here are some ideas for member goodies for seven clubs.

If they don’t take these up, they’re mad.

Mitchell Toy wants to see these items in Richmond's membership pack

RICHMOND

1 Premiership medal with modesty bra attached.

2 The Hangover on blu-ray.

3 Court summons for the street riot in September.

4 Tattoo removal pamphlet after getting over-excited about the win.

5 Scale bandwagon model.

MICHELL TOY: 15 LAWS OFTEN QUESTIONED IN VICTORIA

Should these be in the Dons' membership pack?

ESSENDON

1 Portrait of a rare remaining respectable club elder.

2 Jake Stringer top bun.

3 James Hird Fremantle Dockers doll.

4 Gastro tablets for those pesky pre-season outbreaks.

5 Book from when you last won a premiership.

Mitchell Toy's Geelong membership pack.

GEELONG

1 Vial of Gold Coast Sun supporters’ tears.

2 Lock of Gary Ablett Jnr’s hair.

3 Patrick Dangerfield “Pre-Season Hammy” ham.

4 Sam Newman for Lord Mayor sticker.

5 Great Expectations.

MITCHELL TOY: THE CURIOUS START TO THE WINTER OLYMPICS

Some of the items Mitchell Toy thinks should be in the Melbourne membership pack.

MELBOURNE

1 Ski magazine.

2 Foie gras.

3 Edition of MCC News.

4 Gawn Beard kit.

5 Do You Remember 1964 CD.

The Hawks’ membership pack if Mitchell Toy had his way.

HAWTHORN

1 Controversy-making talking Jeff doll.

2 Melway map to Dingley.

3 Onepeat 2018 sticker.

4 Clash guernsey action figure.

5 2011 Lance Franklin collector card.

MITCHELL TOY: THE PLOT FOR AN AUSSIE DICTATORSHIP

Some of the items that should be in the Bulldogs' membership pack according to Mitchell Toy.

WESTERN BULLDOGS

1 Bob Murphy prayer station.

2 2016 Grand Final on DVD.

3 Stab vest for Highpoint.

4 Sid memorial badge.

5 Suspiciously cheap, branded cigarettes from Footscray Market.

A potential Pies' membership pack.

COLLINGWOOD

1 False teeth.

2 Coffee voucher for the Melbourne Remand Centre cafeteria.

3 Mick and Bucks fighter game.

4 Moccasins.

5 Jordan De Goey novelty breathalyser.

@mitchelltoy