Dr Nikki Goldstein: Ways to spice up your love life during lockdown
There are a few simple things you can do to bring some much-needed spark back into your relationship during the humdrum of lockdown, says sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein.
Opinion
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Only last year I was giving advice on how to find time for each other but now many are struggling to keep the peace while stuck at home.
The most important thing to accept with relationships and lockdown is this situation is not normal and it’s okay not to breeze through it looking like a perfect Instagram post.
Bombarding you with a relationship “to do” list will only add to the pressure, so there are a few simple and basic things you can do to help your relationship during lockdown.
Find time to breathe, even if you don’t feel like you have the space or the time to do so.
Get creative and work together and find a room or a space in your home that can be yours for at least 20 minutes (or longer if you have the luxury).
It might be just the bathroom, the bedroom or the balcony with the doors closed.
Either schedule this time or let your partner know when you are struggling a need a break.
Have a bath and read a book, watch Netflix in bed or even have a nap.
This is time for you to do whatever it is you need to do to stop, breathe and recharge.
Weekends away might be out of the picture for a while, so it’s important to find time for those mini breaks, even if it’s just for your mind.
If you have children, this is where a schedule might work so your “me” time does not get disturbed with questions about dinner and splitting up fights.
If you are asking for me time, it’s also important to give it in return. In order to get through any relationship issues, someone giving back to themselves can really help.
Try and make smaller chores and tasks different and more entertaining. If variety is the spice of life, it’s not so easy to be ‘spicy’ right now.
Make a playlist of your favourite songs, download an audio book that is fun and entertaining or find a podcast that fascinates you.
I know this isn’t the ‘spice’ I would normally be referring to, but it’s important to find times where you can turn something mundane into a little more fun and interesting. The lockdown version of spicing things up.
You also need to ensure you focus on nourishing your relationship too. You might feel pulled in different directions, overwhelmed by what you are balancing right now, but being in a relationship, there is someone hopefully to help you through that.
But in order to really support each other, your relationship needs to be nurtured too. You need to see your partner as a help and not a hinder and being able to reconnect with each other is a way that you can do so.
It might just be a dinner alone in another room while getting dressed up and decorating the table, cooking your favourite meal together or watching a movie that makes you both laugh (while also doing some physical touching, not being strangers on the couch).
Even going for a walk or spending some more time together in bed (and what you do with that more time in bed is up to you wink, wink).
Just like you need that little bit of me time, you also need that little bit of relationship time too.
The goal during this time is to put the pandemic aside and focus on each other, even if it’s not talking and just being physically present.
Your relationship does not have to be perfect, but in order to get through this time, you can be the support system each other needs.
We don’t know how long this will last, or what really is going to happen next.
But take each day as it comes and try and focus on those moments, no matter how small where you can laugh together, smile together and focus on one positive thing you previously might have taken for granted.
And focusing on one positive thing, even if it’s a clear sky or a beautiful flower growing in the garden outside can have a positive flow on effective to other areas of your life.
There are many silver linings during this time and if you look closely, you might even see some in your relationship too.
TOP TIPS TO ADD SPICE TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP
* Give yourself and your partner a break – things don’t have to be perfect
* Recognise that your relationship provides a great support system right now
* Work out a schedule with your partner to each have me time
* Make mundane chores fun by listening to music, books or podcasts
* Have some time together to reconnect, even if it’s just doing something simple
* Focus on one positive thing each day, no matter how small it is.
Dr Nikki Goldstein is a sexologist and relationship expert.
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