Andrew Bolt: Let’s all vote for Labor and its moonbeam promises

Australia apparently has so little wrong with it that the big election issue is that Scott Morrison smirks. So let’s hand the reins to rickety Labor.

Of course, I’m voting Labor this election. Who wouldn’t, when we’re promised so much that is good?

Labor leader Anthony Albanese is promising “action on climate change” because “we’ve had the bushfires and the floods”, so I expect the rivers to stop flooding and the bushfires to stop burning. Don’t you?

Albanese says “Labor has a plan to lift wages”, so I expect a fatter pay packet soon. Don’t you?

Labor is promising to send Penny Wong as foreign affairs minister to the Solomon Islands within days, so I expect the Solomons to now scrap its dangerous new defence agreement with communist China. Don’t you?

And Albanese thinks our massive debt will be such a non-issue under him that he’s not even bothering to say how much more debt he’ll add with his spending, so that’s another worry gone. Isn’t it?

Albanese says ‘Labor has a plan to lift wages’, so I expect a fatter pay packet soon. Don’t you? Picture: Sam Ruttyn

In fact, this country apparently has so little wrong with it that the big election issue is that Prime Minister Scott Morrison has a smirk, once said he “did not hold a hose” and even said it was “not my job” to tell people how to spend their money.

With Albanese in charge, we’ll never again see a smirk. And with every fire, we’ll be guaranteed to see him out there with a hose.

Who couldn’t vote for all that?

And if you complain that Albanese can’t possibly deliver what he’s promising, I’d say it’s that kind of negative thinking that made the Liberals so boring back when Gough Whitlam’s Labor government was doing everything it did to Australia.

Personally, I’d actually welcome seeing the back of Morrison. I’m with all those people complaining he doesn’t ring their bell.

I’m with all those people complaining that Morrison doesn’t ring their bell. Picture: Getty Images

Can you believe that Morrison has talked to me only once since becoming Prime Minister, and refused every invitation to go on my TV show?

Shocking! He even publicly branded me “hideous” and “disgraceful” for arguing that lockdowns were a brutal price to pay to essentially stop the very old from dying a little sooner from Covid.

Yet isn’t that exactly our policy now, with more than 40 Australians dying every day, without a peep about needing lockdowns again?

Of course, some people will say that voting out a Prime Minister just because of a grudge over something he said, rather than did – like, say, saving the jobs of hundreds of thousands of people during the lockdowns – is a juvenile excuse for handing the joint over to rickety Labor with its moonbeam promises. Isn’t it?