Alice Coster: Domestic violence is Australia’s national shame

A national cabinet. A royal commission. Political stunts. Women are shouting that Australia is a nation sick with violence, but is anyone listening?

“How about, STOP MURDERING WOMEN!”

“Too long,” said the 11-year-old.

“Hmmm. What about, Educate Our Sons?” This was proffered with a slight glint to the eye, only to more solemn shaking of the 11-year-old’s head.

“Because They Deserve Better,” “No Means No,” “Respect Women,” “Silence Is Violence,” “Women Are Not Disposable.” More head shaking.

We ended up settling on “Enough Is Enough”.

The words felt right and fitted snugly onto the yellow piece of cardboard left over from an old school project.

Given the well-worn teasing that I have the worst handwriting in the house, the job of sign writing was instead given to the other half, colouring between the lines later filled in by the aforementioned tween.

It warmed my heart, and some, to see the man and boy of my house contributing in a small way to what has become a very big issue close to this breaking heart.

Because they too have seen the dismay and questioned what can be done, as more tears fall during the nightly news.

Number, after number, after number, each a woman, a daughter, a mother, a sister. The number who have died at the hands of a male perpetrator don’t discriminate.

People march towards Federation Square during the Melbourne anti-violence rally on Sunday. Picture: Getty

The Herald Sun newspaper where I have worked for most of my adult life has long run a toll count in conjunction with the Transport Accident Commission, clocking the number of Victorian road deaths to date compared with the number of people killed last year.

I remember feeling gobsmacked during the Melbourne heroin crisis some time back when the newspaper started to record the number of overdose deaths to date. It just seemed so shocking at the time.

But the growing statistics and number of women murdered in violence in Australia – think one woman every four days – is now so high that the newspaper I have long loved should be running yet another grim death toll.

These thoughts were front of mind as I ventured into the city last Sunday morning with my makeshift “Enough Is Enough” sign, to march with 10,000 others in support of stopping violence against women in Australia.

I mention Australia because domestic violence is our national shame. The statistics, just like many of the perpetrators who are often intimate partners, are sitting in plain sight, a clear and present danger.

It is of little wonder we are shouting that this is a nation sick with violence.

But is anyone listening?

A national cabinet to address the escalating crisis of violence against women around the country met on Wednesday.

There is simply no more time for reports, meetings and royal commissions, says Alice Coster. Picture: Andrew Henshaw

Words, words and more words. It’s like the new workplace culture where we have Zoom meetings to discuss upcoming Zoom meetings. Talk of another royal commission just feels hollow right now. $5000 ‘leaving violence payments’ a political play. There is simply no more time for costly reports as women continue to die.

No wonder the impassioned words of audience member and criminologist Vincent Hurley vehemently spraying this week’s Q&A panel on ABC went viral last night:

“For God’s sake, how long do we have to listen to politicians like you and the rest of you high-horsing about, ‘We have to have a royal commission’. ‘We have to do this’. Everyone here knows what the answer is,” the Macquarie University criminology professor fired at the panel which included Nationals Senate Leader Bridget McKenzie and NSW Opposition Leader Mark Speakman.

His words were shared and liked across social media platforms, with influencers like Bec Judd and Jesinta Franklin calling out the violent stain on our society.

“If a male has a history of crimes of violence, of any form of domestic violence, coercion, physical, emotional, they should not have the presumption of bail. They should not get bail. At all,” Prof Hurley went on.

“You all sit here and pontificate about what we’re doing. You’re not doing enough.”

Enough Is Enough.

No longer should we turn the other cheek. This is not a “woman’s issue.” Gendered violence is the problem. There must be a cultural reckoning.

Aggie Di Mauro, mother of murder victim Celeste Manno, addresses the crowd. Picture: Andrew Henshaw

Back to Sunday and the peaceful but charged protest soon moved down Swanston St to congregate at Federation Square. The rally organisers issued their demands after consulting with women’s advocacy groups – from the declaration of a national emergency, to mandatory victim-blaming prevention training for police, media and first responders.

Listening to the speakers I noticed a girl next to me sobbing. Wearing strappy sandals and a love heart polka-dot sundress, she did not strike me as the usual protester.

Her tears continued to stream as the mother of murdered Victorian woman Celeste Manno took to the stage. I thought I must have misheard the grieving woman.

Her hand shakes as she holds tight the microphone. She tells the crowd her Celeste was the 60th woman murdered in 2020, stabbed to death in her own bed by a co-worker stalker as her mother slept on in the other room.

But I had not misheard. Yes, 62 women were murdered in Australia that year.

Looking around the crowd I realised I was standing with Celeste’s family. The young girl sobbing a friend or relative. Her brother holding high a makeshift sign of his own, his sister’s name emblazoned in ink across his forearm, the sign read: “Celeste was failed AGAIN.”

Enough Is Enough.

The degrees of separation are closing in. The tentacles contracting. These women are our co-workers, our friends, our sisters. These women are us.

Again casting my eye across the crowd I realise many of the makeshift signs are being carried by family members of other murdered women.

One simply reads: “Mummy I Miss You.”