Alice Coster: Dear men, please stop sending us pics of your pecker

A week on from the “dikileaks” saga and all the photos in the scandalous file have been erased from the internet, but is the d--k pic here to stay in the modern dating world?

A straw poll consensus among women has determined that pecker photos are not attractive.

Dear men: please stop sending us pics of your peen.

Last week about this time, a message from a rock solid (poor choice of words) source lobbed into my What’s App saying “I’m sure you’re across the AFL Nudes”.

Attached was a link to a Google Drive featuring about 51 AFL players, past and present, including five Brownlow medalists.

The images — oh so so so many images and videos — were graphic, explicit and lewd.

There were red peens, veiny peens, flaccid peens and mushroom shaped peens. There were bottoms on display, peens protruding out of boxer shorts, peens standing over the toilet, peens playing, peens idle and peens flopped out on the table proudly.

In short the AFL Nudes Google Drive, now dubbed “dikileaks” by the wider footy community, was extremely confronting, but more so mind boggling and eye burning.

At first cursory glance it seemed like an elaborate hoax. Who would bother to go to such efforts? Naming the players, some superstars, others almost unknown, in alphabetical order. It seemed so considered and like someone — the Google Drive’s owner was labelled “Sue Somebody” — had gone to such efforts compiling the dossier of, er, d--ks.

What was the motive? No ransom or threats had been made to the interstate club who first alerted AFL headquarters last Tuesday night. Surely they were deep fakes, or the work of Artificial Intelligence.

AFL’s integrity unit acted swiftly, but more of that later.

Just like myself the AFL was initially confused as to what the Google Drive contained. Was it the result of a hacker, a la the celebrity iCloud nude scandal?

A week after the ‘dikileaks’ scandal and all traces of the photos have been deleted from the internet.

In September 2014 headlines screeched after hackers obtained and published nude photos of a slew of female celebrities, including more than 60 images of actor Jennifer Lawrence.

Images of over 100 well-known stars, including homegrown actors Teresa Palmer and Yvonne Strahvoski, were exposed by a hacker on dark web 4chan website, in a major breach of privacy.

The hacker reportedly accessed the files through the iCloud accounts of the celebrities.

The AFL first thought the “AFL Nudes” Google Drive was also a result of hackers along the same vein. But it soon became quite evident that many of the images and videos had been sent to third parties.

Which brings me back to what should now be a modern day maxim, don’t send pics of your old fella, fellas.

There is a wonderful quote in one of the Sex and The City movies from the astute Samantha Jones on the rise of the celebrity and how someone gains star status:

“First come the gays, then the girls, then ... the industry,” Jones deadpanned.

While not one female in my friendship group was in the slightest bit interested in seeing anymore pecker pictures, many are inundated with unsolicited photos of nether regions sent to them on online dating sites, it was the gay male friends who were a bit breathless.

A straw poll consensus among female peers quickly determined pecker pix are not by any means an enticement, but more of a turn-off.

The ‘dikileaks’ saga shocked Australia, but sending raunchy photos could be a trend that’s here to stay.

One online dater was so keen to send a friend a picture of his peen he put it next to a deodorant bottle. When asked why? Just why? He replied the Rexona was there to give it some context.

We admired him for at least putting some thought into this, nevertheless she blocked him saying there needs to be “some mystery to courtship”.

The many, many images, and no doubt some were doctored, that were in the Google Drive had no such context, direction or forethought. It was all bad angles, so so many unflattering angles, bad lighting and again in many cases nothing to be writing home about.

So while many don’t want to see your peen, the gays have offered some sound advice if you must in the modern day world. Because maybe with generations born with an iPhone in their face, the new rules of dating and how people find flirting via a screen less intimidating, means the d--k pic is here to stay.

“There is an etiquette. If you are smart there’s never a face in them, neck down only. So only if you’re Dane Swan could you be recognised clearly,” said one.

“And it must be solicited.”

Back to the AFL who, along with the E-Safety Commissioner and Google, have swiftly removed all traces of the now infamous file and gross breach of privacy.

A week on from the “dikileaks” saga and there is no trace of a peen anymore. The sheer vast amount of pictures — it was 498mB — meant it took even the savviest Google technician some time to have it removed. Within 30 hours the photos were gone, no easy feat.

A week on and the entire Google Drive containing the names of the players has also been deleted. A considerable effort, which should be applauded.

Wouldn’t it be nice for the many women who have nude, incriminating photos of them taken without their consent and scattered on the internet to also have the AFL behind them to flex their considerable muscle to have them removed (hmmm another poor choice of words).

Alice Coster is a Herald Sun columnist