Vegans banning their parents from caring for grandkids because they can’t be trusted with food choices

Families are at war over veganism, with relationships fracturing over the lifestyle change and grandparents who break food rules being banned from seeing their grandkids.

Families are at war over veganism with relationships fracturing over the lifestyle change and grandparents who break strict food rules banned from feeding their grandkids.

A Deakin University researcher studying the relationship impacts of veganism has found conflict is most common in couples where only one person had become vegan.

Dr Alexa Hayley said there was also often “conflict and angst” between parents raising their children as vegans and grandparents who did not support it and fed their grandkids meat, dairy or eggs.

“When grandparents babysit the kids and feed them non-vegan foods, parents can get very distressed by this because there’s this element of feeling that their children have been contaminated,” she said.

“It is something which comes up repeatedly and it can lead to a loss of trust.”

Some vegan parents made the difficult choice to stop leaving children alone with grandparents because they were so concerned about the food which could be served.

“Sometimes they say they won’t be taking the kids back there again because they can’t trust them to look after them, which is really sad because you can see the grandparents are honestly just thinking that the grandkids are lacking something and wanting to feed them,” Dr Hayley said.

When it came to couples quarrelling over food choices, the friction was often the result of recently “converted” vegans struggling to accept their partners did not share their new world view.

“It can cause major relationship conflicts between two adults because the vegan may feel that they have had this moral awakening, that they’ve had this great insight, and struggle to understand why others don’t see things the same way,” Dr Hayley said.

Liam Hughes, owner and head chef at meat-free Two-Bit Villains diner in Adelaide Arcade, said mutual respect, conversations and planning could help overcome conflicts.

Two Bit Villians diner owner Liam Hughes with a popular vegan option — a seitan buffalo “chicken” burger. Picture: Matt Loxton

“A conversation is definitely necessary between the parents and the grandparents. They are not the grandparent’s kids, so it is not their decision what happens in those kids’ lives,” he said.

“They should be respecting the actual parents’ decisions … the grandparents should be adults in that situation.”

Where couples or groups of friends are concerned, Mr Hughes said the solution was to “be empathetic”.

“So many restaurants — and Adelaide is a really good place for it — do vegan options nowadays. It’s not hard to find restaurants where both people can get the foods they choose.

“Do your research before you go out to places.”

Audrey Kasa, who is raising her sons, aged two and three, on a vegan diet, said she was fortunate to have a family who supported her decision.

Despite being a meat eater himself, the boys’ father now recognised a vegan diet could be healthy if well-planned.

Audrey Kasa, a vegan, and her husband Kane, a meat-eater, manage to live in harmony, despite their different diets. Picture Andrew Tauber

Ms Kasa, 27, visited a dietitian for guidance on her sons’ diet and said they were thriving as vegans.

Professor Karen Campbell from the Institute for Physical Activity and Nutrition said it was possible to raise healthy children on a vegan diet, as long as parents were knowledgeable about nutrition.

But Prof Campbell stressed it was vitally important vegan parents did not feed young children homemade baby formulas instead of breast milk or tinned baby formula.

A vegan diet can be healthy for children, if it includes lots of nutrient-rich vegetables, fruit, legumes, seeds and good fats, say nutrition experts.

Professor Karen Campbell from the Institute for Physical Activity and Nutrition (IPAN) said it was possible to raise healthy children on a vegan diet, as long as parents were knowledgeable about nutrition and ensured growing kids were getting all the nutrients they needed.

Vitamin and mineral supplements could be valuable in ensuring vegan children remained healthy, as could be adding a small amount of orange or lemon juice to dark green vegetables, to help with iron absorption, and buying fortified nut and soy milks, cereals and other foods.

But Prof. Campbell stressed it was vitally important vegan parents did not make bad diet choices for their babies or young children by substituting homemade baby formulas for breast milk or tinned baby formula.