Karen Carpenter on pain of son Adam Chaffey’s passing
For two years Karen Carpenter has made it her mission to speak to everybody she can about her late son ... for one painful but very special reason.
Gold Coast
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FOR two years Karen Carpenter has made it her mission to speak to everybody she can about the pain and pride of her son.
Her youngest child Adam Chaffey passed away in hospital while in a coma in 2018, five days after trying to take his life. He was 21.
During that devastating time, Ms Carpenter said she was able to find solace in the good that Adam was still able to do for others — even after death.
“We were at the hospital everyday by his bed asking him to see this through and recover,” she said.
“I remember sitting there holding his hand asking him why.
“Then on Thursday they told us he wasn’t going to make it, he was brain dead. We had been there by his side from that Monday.”
When discussing Adam’s options with doctors Ms Carpenter said she brought up the possibility of organ donation.
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“He was such a caring, loving, giving man, that it seemed like something he would do,” she said.
“I then had a conversation with him about it, he was just lying there.
“I said if this is the journey you need to take, I am going to be really sad that we are not going to be together anymore. But if this is the way you feel, you have to do it, I am not going to be angry at you.
“He had a massive seizure literally an hour later and we were told there was extensive damage. It was then I knew we were making the right decision.
“You are saying your goodbye, but you can never say that enough, or how much you love them.
“So if Adam extended someone else’s life, even by just a short time and allowed them to do that, I think that is a good thing.”
Adam’s heart, lungs, kidneys, bone and corneas were donated to a number of people in need.
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The family credited the work of DonateLife Queensland and hospital staff who walked them through the process and offered ongoing support.
Ms Carpenter says she remains a staunch advocate for organ donation. Even when putting in an order for a cake in July, she asked the cashier about her organ donation plans.
“I can’t help it, it just makes sense. Why not give someone a chance to achieve what they want to achieve in this life when you die?
“They are no good to you.”
For the Ashmore woman the conversation comes from both a place of pain and pride.
“Ad’s was cheeky, naughty and had such a huge capacity for love.
“Knowing there’s still a little part of Adam in the world is a very special thing.
“We also hope, as his son grows, he will be proud of the legacy of kindness Adam left in this world.
“It was something Adam and I had never talked about though, so I urge families to have the organ and tissue donation chat.”
***If you need someone to talk to phone Lifeline on 13 11 14.
Originally published as Karen Carpenter on pain of son Adam Chaffey’s passing