Dumb, dumb and dumber: The moment Peter Dutton jumped the shark

Peter Dutton this week strapped on the skis and channelled his inner Fonzie with a baffling new tax plan.

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The idiom “jumping the shark” is well-known, referring to the 1977 episode of the American sitcom Happy Days, in which the character of Fonzie jumps over a live shark while on waterskis.

On Thursday, the Liberal leader Peter Dutton unleashed his inner Henry Winkler.

Waterskiing into the election with no pants and a leather jacket, he announced his “aspiration” to index income thresholds with no firm plans as to when he would actually do this.

“I want to see us move as quickly as we can as a country to changes around personal income tax, including indexation, because bracket creep, as we know, is a killer in the economy,‘’ Mr Dutton told The Australian newspaper.

“It stifles productivity and ­entrepreneurialism and hard work, but we need to do it at a time where the budget can afford to do so. It would be an aspiration of our government.“

It’s a nice idea.

It would be an even nicer idea if he hadn’t blown so much money on this MeToo campaign matching the Prime Minister’s policies on Medicare and energy rebates and work from home that he actually had the money to pay for it.

But he didn’t and that means he can’t pay for it.

And if he can’t pay for it, he can’t do it, and if he can’t do it, I am buggered if I understand why he’s talking about it.

What is this? Fantasy tax football?

Some people like unicorns.

But if Peter Dutton or Anthony Albanese told you they really like unicorns too and maybe one day we could all have a pink unicorn would you be confident you’re going to get one?

Can we all ride around on our pink unicorns together?

On Thursday, the Liberal leader Peter Dutton unleashed his inner Henry Winkler. Picture: Matt Roberts/ ABC/ Pool/NewsWire

Treasurer Jim Chalmers accused Peter Dutton of introducing a “laughable” aspiration given the Liberals are actually going to the election with a promise to repeal $17 billion in legislated tax cuts for every worker.

“Peter Dutton must think Australians are stupid,” he said.

“I mean, this stuff is laughable. He has a policy to return less bracket creep, not to return more bracket creep. And so to see these views expressed on the front of one of the newspapers today is frankly ridiculous.”

There’s plenty of things you can say about Jimbo including his own laughable suggestions that he didn’t flirt with the idea of negative gearing changes and the PM’s porkies on the same issue, but he’s dead right on this one.

Peter Dutton’s income tax aspiration without a time frame is laughable. If you want to do it, show us a plan of how you’re going to do it.

And don’t bother telling us it’s about “the vibe” of what John Howard did in 1996.

What does Peter Dutton even mean when he says this? Is he planning to do something with the GST?

The Coalition has vowed to repeal the new $10 a week component of the tax cuts for every worker – that are permanent and ongoing – arguing that Australia can’t afford the $17 billion cost. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Jeremy Piper

Incidentally, the Howard Government introduced the GST after it ran it to the election in 1998.

In other words, unlike the Albanese Government, they actually ran for a second term on a big, gutsy policy.

John Howard had previously said he would never, ever do the GST, but let’s not get too into the reeds of that.

At least they actually did something, which more than you can say most of the time about the Albanese Government.

But back to Peter Dutton and his topsy-turvy tax policy.

Shortly before Parliament was dissolved for the election the government announced plans to introduce a $5 a week tax cut next year rising to $10 a week the year after.

Combined with Labor’s first round of tax cuts, the average tax cut is expected to be around $43 per week or more than $2,200 in 2026-27, and around $50 per week or more than $2,500 in 2027-28.

Will you actually be better off? Picture: NewsWire / Jeremy Piper

But the Coalition has vowed to repeal the new $10 a week component of the tax cuts for every worker – that are permanent and ongoing – arguing that Australia can’t afford the $17 billion cost.

Repeal it! That is, walk back into Parliament after the election and take away the tax cuts MPs voted for last month.

The Liberals treasury spokesman Angus Taylor said so.

In other words, they are voting to increase taxes, to lock in bracket creep.

How on earth do they think they can get away with this bucket of jelly about “aspirations” to do something down the track when they are repealing tax cuts?

This aspirational tax policy is a Golden Gaytime left in the car that’s melting in the sun.

This aspirational tax policy is a golden gaytime left in the car that’s melting in the sun.

What is Peter Dutton promising?

Instead of Labor’s teeny weeny $5 tax cut in 2026, the Liberals are promising a one-off $1200 tax cut for low and middle income earners.

That’s nice. But it’s not permanent.

They are also promising a one-off fuel excise tax cut for all motorists that would temporarily halve excise for one year only.

That’s also nice. But it’s not permanent.

Now, Mr Dutton has signalled an “aspiration” to index tax thresholds to address bracket creep but he can’t say when that would happen?

We are meant to trust him or something?

Is he joking? Is this a complete piss take?

Peter Dutton is the long-term boyfriend that isn’t ready for marriage “right now.”

“Babe, babe, I love you,‘’ he is whispering. ”Tax reform is part of my DNA but I am just not ready for structural tax reform right now? Ok honey?

“And maybe you’re not ready? Because that terrible Anthony Albanese left you with a terrible visa card bill?.”

He wants to live together and he wants you to save up for cute couches from Freedom and vote for his “aspirational tax plan” and maybe even get a puppy.

But if he doesn’t want to get married and legislate the indexation of income thresholds, Peter Dutton is wasting your time.

Originally published as Dumb, dumb and dumber: The moment Peter Dutton jumped the shark