Geelong mum Therese Fox reflects on surviving Bali bombings, 20 years later

Geelong mother Therese Fox thought she had healed from a terrorist attack in Bali 20 years ago. But, as she discovered recently, some wounds run deeper.

Therese Fox thought she had healed herself physically and emotionally after she was gravely injured when a terrorist detonated a suicide bomb in a Bali nightclub.

But the 20th anniversary of the Bali bombings has stoked feelings of guilt for Ms Fox, who often wonders why she survived the deadly blast.

The 49-year-old recently returned to the island for the first time since she suffered excruciating burns when a bomb tore through Kuta’s nightclub strip on October 12, 2002. The attack killed 202 people and injured a further 209.

Ms Fox’s best friend, Bronwyn Cartwright, was one of the 87 other Australians who died in the blast.

Geelong residents Aaron and Justin Lee and Justin’s wife Stacey, nee Thornburgh, were also killed.

Ms Fox woman was one of the most badly injured survivors. She suffered horrific burns to 85 per cent of her body and was in hospital for nearly 12 months.

The Grovedale woman said the desire to care for her young children was the only thing that kept her alive.

“I wanted to die, I would’ve been happy to die, but I had to come back to my children,” she said.

Therese marked her 30th birthday in a hospital bed. Picture: Supplied

“All I wanted to do was come home and go back to the life that I had lived before where I was a mother, and I worked, and I was just like everybody else.

“I was a mother and I had no choice – I had to survive.

“Any mother would do that.

“They would walk through fire for their children.”

Therese with children Alex and Katie. Picture: Supplied

This month, Ms Fox made the difficult journey back to Bali, visiting the site of the bombings and the memorial to those lost and injured in the blast.

She said going back to the scene of the attacks brought up emotions she didn’t know she had.

“I’ve spent 20 years healing myself physically,” she said.

“I’ve achieved things in 20 years they said I would never achieve.

“I thought I’d healed myself mentally as well, but (returning) to Bali has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

“I think mentally, some part of my brain locked away a lot of grief, and I didn’t know it was there until I went (back).”

Therese with her best friend Bronwyn, who died in the bombings

Ms Fox said going back to Kuta was emotionally challenging.

“Every time I went there I broke down,” she said.

“And then going and saying goodbye to Bronwyn at the beach … I realised, you don’t have to say ‘goodbye’, you can just say ‘see you later’.

“I will carry Bronwyn with me forever. I now need to give myself the right to heal.”

To start this healing process, Ms Fox, her daughter and best friend had their favourite flower tattooed on their wrists.

The frangipani is accompanied with the date of the bombing, and Ms Fox said it served to remind her that “life goes on”.

Therese got a tattoo on her trip back to Bali in 2022, to remind herself that “life goes on”. Picture: Supplied

As another way to heal, Ms Fox has written a book about her experience.

She said writing the book with journalist Megan Norris was cathartic and allowed her to leave a legacy for her grandson, Flynn, and any future grandchildren she may have.

The book, called Out of the Ashes, was released on September 21.

Therese and her grandson, Flynn (7)

“My seven-year-old grandson … about a year or so ago asked me why my skin was different,” she said.

“I had to explain to him, in basic terms, that I had been in a fire that bad men had started, and that my friend had died, and I was very injured but I had to get home to take care of his mum and uncle.

“I thought about it, and thought about what a great legacy (a book was) to leave for my future grandchildren, so they can know how much I fought for them.

“He doesn’t quite understand all of the book, but it’s for him in the future … to understand (that) yes, bad things happen in the world, but you can still recover and be the same person.

“I’m lucky because I had the choice … whether I wanted to live or die.

“A lot of people didn’t have the choice.”

With the book released and her trip to Bali finished, Ms Fox said she hoped to be able to move forward over the next two decades.

Therese Fox’s book about her experience, ‘Out of the Ashes’ written by journalist Megan Norris, is out now. Picture: Supplied

“I hope they bring some peace to my heart,” she said.

“I hope I don’t have to carry the guilt of surviving for another 20 years.

“I don’t know how I stop that guilt, that I came home and other people didn’t, but … I hope somehow I can let it go.

“I have to find a way to learn to let go of that and keep moving forward, because I’ve been stuck for 20 years, going through the motions of living.

“I’ve felt that I haven’t deserved any happiness because I’ve felt so guilty.

“I hope that I can be really happy.”

Originally published as Geelong mum Therese Fox reflects on surviving Bali bombings, 20 years later