‘We know what we are doing is wrong’: Why women hide men’s clothes

Right, I’ve hidden some clothes again. Not my own. No, I’m talking about items belonging to other members of my family, writes Frances Whiting.

Right, I’ve hidden some clothes again. Not my own. No, I’m talking about items belonging to other members of my family.

I don’t know why I do this, but I do, and so do many, many other women I know. Men might also do it, but they have never confessed this crime to me, whereas I have had many conversations with women that go like this: “I’ve hidden Kevin’s football hoodie again, I’ve put it at the back of the laundry closet, he’ll never find it this time.”

I know. We have no right to do this, we should live and let live, and we should most certainly let the people we love wear whatever they love, but what if what they love is an emerald green, sateen bomber jacket with the words “Live to Ride” emblazoned across the back?

That’s what my friend Jackie had to endure her partner Ron wearing in public for many years, despite the fact, as she reasonably pointed out, he had never ridden a motorbike in his life.

Not only that, every time they went out he’d say “Time to put on the old party jacket”, and I think we can all agree, there’s a limit. So she hid it. Bundled that bomber up in a bag and put it at the back of her mother’s pantry cupboard. Not even her own cupboard because, as she said at the time, she wanted to make absolutely sure that jacket would never live to ride again.

Anyway, this time around I’ve taken advantage of my husband being away to hide his brown and white checked jacket with the white furry collar, mostly because it has a white furry collar and also because he is not a lumberjack.

I’ve also hidden my son’s over-size blanket thing with the hood that all the young people love so much, because if I don’t hide this, he will roll around in it all winter and never leave his room. And I would not blame him. Have you tried on one of those things? It’s like wearing your bed around you all day. But here’s the thing.

Frances Whiting shares about which of her husband’s items she has secretly thrown out. Picture: Tara Croser.

We clothes hiders do not go the whole hog, do we? We don’t actually throw the clothes out, instead we move them from place to place as if they are in some garment witness protection program. And I think we do this to mitigate our crimes.

We know what we are doing is wrong, and so to make us feel less guilty about this, we never actually dispose of the Hypercolour T-shirt, we just surreptitiously move it from hiding spot to hiding spot, so that, if, one day, it becomes clear that the person we love becomes distressed at the loss of their hideous knit vest, then we can triumphantly dig it out from wherever we have stashed it, return it to them and say “Oh, here it is, darling, I found it at the back of the laundry closet, it must have fallen down there.”

Again, I know it’s deceitful, but we’ve all done it. Indeed, I just did it. And, as I said, many of the women I know have. And I think men might do it too. So fess up, tell me what clothing item you’ve hidden that belongs to someone you love … pleather trousers anyone?

Originally published as ‘We know what we are doing is wrong’: Why women hide men’s clothes