Warn your partners: Perimenopausal rage IS a thing

If you hung posters of Callan Mulvey or Jonathan Taylor Thomas in your bedroom as a teenager, your anger might have a hormonal component.

It feels like 2024 has been the year of perimenopause. 

Our algorithms are ripe with stories from women who are going through it, symptoms we never knew were due to perimenopause, and reels sent back and forth in group chats filled with 40-something women who are grimly satisfied with the fact that at least we have a term to describe what’s happening in our brains and bodies lately. 

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Am I perimenopausal?

Medically, a woman is considered to be in menopause when she has gone a full year without a period. Perimenopause - the period of time in which our hormones are declining but we are yet to go a full year without menstruating - can go on for a decade or more, sometimes beginning as early as a woman’s late thirties. 

That means that if you hung posters of Callan Mulvey or Jonathan Taylor Thomas in your bedroom as a teenager, you need to be thinking about perimenopause - because it’s coming for millennials. 

For me personally, one symptom keeps getting tossed out time and time again: the rage. 

Hot, searing anger is soaking through a lot of the middle-aged women in my life, and even though in the year of our Lord 2024, there is a lot to be angry about regardless of your hormonal status, there is definitely something physiological going on here. 

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Dr Louise Newson, author, GP and worldwide menopause expert, says that perimenopausal rage is not just a thing - it’s kind of the thing. 

“In a survey we did of over 6000 women, up to 70 percent said irritability is their main mood complaint during the menopause,” she tells Kidspot. 

“This is because fluctuating and reducing levels of oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone can affect our brain, making us more susceptible to angry outbursts, as well as low mood, anxiety, and other mental health related symptoms during perimenopause and beyond.”

On top of these hormonal symptoms, Dr Newson says the lack of awareness in general about treatment options during perimenopause can be a very real reason for feeling angry.

“Perimenopause and menopause can also be a challenging time,” she continues, “even if some of your feelings are out of your control, often women do feel helpless or angry about the situation they’re in, particularly if they’re denied treatment or face barriers when accessing healthcare.”

“Is it perimenopause, or is my husband truly shit?” one friend muses in our group chat.

“Why can’t it be both?” quips another, sending the iconic Old El Paso Taco girl meme. 

“Sometimes, I just hate everyone,” confides another friend, adding seriously: “I feel like I have to dig so much deeper to be the kind of mum I want to be.”

Image: Supplied

Prioritise yourself when you need it

Because at its heart, that’s the risk of perimenopausal rage and irritability: that they hurt the people around us, and damage relationships we’ve spent decades working hard to build.

Luckily, according to Dr Newson, there is hope for us yet. 

“Recognising that you might feel like this because of your hormones can be reassuring,” she says, “because it means there’s a way to treat it. HRT (hormone replacement therapy), often with testosterone, the first-line treatment for menopausal symptoms, can help to even out these big fluctuations by replacing the missing hormones and improving mood symptoms.”

But it’s just as important to take time for yourself and practice self-care, she continues.

“Take stock of where you are and what these feelings mean,” says Newson. “Perimenopause and menopause can be a time of enormous upheaval, so thinking about what makes you happy and what matters to you can really change how you feel about yourself and your life at a critical juncture.”

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RELATED: Do I need HRT to manage my perimenopause?

For women who want to seek medical or hormonal help, Dr Newson says the first step is to get prepared to advocate for yourself.

“Making a list of your symptoms should be the first step – you can use our free Balance app to track them, which you can turn into a personalised health report that you can print out to take to an appointment.” 

“It’s also important to be resilient,” Newson cautions, “unfortunately, navigating menopause care can be challenging for a number of women, but you’re always entitled to seek a second, third or even fourth opinion if you feel dismissed or not listened to, or you are struggling to receive optimal hormones.

Understanding your body, your needs, and your potential treatment options is so important, and it’s something we should be thinking about even before perimenopause and menopause.”

Originally published as Warn your partners: Perimenopausal rage IS a thing