Why Prince Harry’s family should be terrified of his memoir

Apparently the current Windsor clan is feeling apprehensive about Harry’s memoir and frankly, who can blame them?, writes Frances Whiting.

I see that after months of speculation, a publication date (January 10, 2023) for the Prince Harry memoir, ‘Spare’ has been announced.

The title is a nod to the archaic notion of Royal Families needing both a ‘heir and a spare’ to protect their claim on the crown, should the demise of the first lead to the promotion of the second.

The cover of Prince Harry's upcoming memoir, Spare. Picture: Penguin Random House

Historically, second sons have had to step up to the plate a few times, most notably Henry VIII – and didn’t that work out well for the women folk – but in more modern times the so-called spares have been spared the call up, largely due to vastly improved health care.

This has led to the modern day spares mostly just sort of hanging around waiting to be given some sort of meaningful role, and then buggering off to St Moritz for the summer.

Anyway, apparently the current Windsor clan is feeling apprehensive about Harry’s memoir and frankly, who can blame them? I dread to think what my own children might reveal should they ever decide to pen a tell all about their growing up years in our household (Monday night, beans on toast again, send help).

Yes, let us all imagine, just for a moment, the pages of our own youngest (or any youngest anywhere tell-alls …)

‘Well, it looks like mum has forgotten to make me a book week costume again, and that once again I will have to wear something she has “bunged together”.

Last year, she put some fake tan on me and said I was an Oompah Loopah.

This year she has put a Band-Aid on my arm and says I am going as “Mr Clumsy” from Mr Men.

I think she should go and wear her normal clothes and go as Mrs Forgetful.

Because she keeps forgetting my name, and so does my Dad.

Frances Whiting on what her family would say if they wrote a memoir. Picture: David Clark

They either call me by each other’s names or my brothers and sisters or sometimes the dog’s. Sometimes my mother just looks at me and says “Which one are you?”.

Anyway, whatever I wear, it will not be new. I never, ever get new clothes.

Instead I get hand me downs from my brothers and sisters or family friends, and my mother always makes a big deal of washing them and telling me they are “as good as new’.

They are not as good as new. Not even close. By the way, I have to share a room with my older brother.

He has drawn a chalk line down the middle of the room and says if I cross it I will regret it. You know what I regret? I regret being born into this family.

Everyone bosses me around, and my brothers and sisters keep saying that I am the favourite. (By the way, I secretly think this is probably true. Sometimes she looks at me and gets all teary and says something about her baby growing up. This is a good time to ask her for some money.)

Also, when we all go on holidays and the car is full, I have to sit in that weird tiny seat in the back, facing the wrong way. And you want to know something else? There are very, very few photos of me, compared to my brothers and sisters …’

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Originally published as Why Prince Harry’s family should be terrified of his memoir